Eight

I'm grumpy. Can't I just stay that way? What's with all the cheery people at the gym early in the morning? I know Wonder Woman got her eight this morning. She's so friendly!

Thursday I just had to escape a busy pool. After 2000, 6:00 a.m., I towel dried, changed into running gear, and grabbed just the key to my car  because I wanted to grab my ball cap on the way out. I left aside the remote opener since it won't fit in my fanny bag. Anyway, as I insert the key into the passenger side door, something I NEVER do, I discovered someone had busted my lock trying to break in, who knows when. LIKE IT NEED THIS. I ran fast, it was very cold, my hair was wet, it was really really windy, and I hardly felt a thing I was so punched up. Better than punching in a wall, I suppose. 

Three days later I'm still grumpy. Here are some thoughts on what I should probably do:

EIGHT RULES FOR FEELING BETTER AND NOT BEING GRUMPY

1. Drink 8 glasses of water a day. Pee often. This also gives you extra breaks from your job, which, as a State worker, I can say with authority is the best way to goof off if the job is getting you down.
2. Sleep 8 hours a night. If you can't because you are frustrated and unhappy, bash your head against a wall until you pass out.
3. Eat 8 servings of fruit and vegetables every day. Wine is not a fruit.
4. Detox for at least 8 days. No (1) alcohol, no (2) potential allergens like eggs or nuts or shellfish, no (3) red meat, no (4) refined sugar, no (5) wheat, no (6) caffeine, no (7) added salt, and definitely (8) nothing with the word "Doodle" in the name of the food product.
5. Avoid mean people. If you can't, ignore them. If you can't, gossip about them, even if it's all lies.
   
6. Do something fun, like take a walk along the river on a beautiful afternoon instead of sitting at your computer, like I'm doing right now. Lover Boy: shopping IS fun!
7. Close your eyes and breath. Eight long deep breaths. Say "ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhmmmmmm" until your lips are buzzing. 
8. Go to the gym.

EIGHT TOP REASONS TO GO TO THE GYM

1. You ignored your own advice again, drank more than you should have, and now you need to work off a hangover.
2. You have no place else to go and anyway, you need a shower. 
3. You are awake and have been since three-thirty so you might as well get up and go. 
4. It's the only time you actually drink water instead of coffee and wine. 
5. You ate too much for dinner again last night and you need to work off what seems like 40,000 calories. 
6. You need to get in shape for some reason, whatever that is. 
7. You enjoy working out because you lack imagination.
8. You are frustrated and you hope it might actually save you from yourself, and if you stay in bed you may never get up.

EIGHT TOP REASONS TO STAY IN BED

1. More than 4 inches of fresh snow, whatever that is.
2. You forgot to set the alarm. Actually, this is more of an excuse than a reason, but I'll accept it.
3. Something hurts. I mean, it's probably been hurting for a while now and you've been ignoring it. But now it really hurts and maybe, just maybe, for once, you can take the day off from working out.
4. You stayed up too late again last night watching something on TV, even if you can't remember what it was.
5. You ate and drank too much last night and you honestly believe if Hurly Burly pulls you over this morning you might be DUI.
6. You are really, really, really tired and you are afraid if you go to the gym you will die.
7. Your partner is out of town and you have the whole bed to yourself, and no one is snoring or farting except you.
8. Sleepy, fuzzy warm cats in the bed with you. 

Actually, Cookie, WW, Sharin', T.B.B.: The best thing in the world for moving out of the doldrums is friends like you. So next time I see you please feel free to be really, really freakin' chipper and I'll do my best to return the favor. Loves ya!