Room for Improvement

Did you hear that??? What do you think it is??? Why, YES, I think you're right - that's the sound of resolutions breaking all over the Y. And I thought it was my back creaking.

Do more! Get stronger and fitter! Improve your body and your well, uh, your body will do!

In a desperate bid to prove I'm not 50 and to lose the 2.8 ounces I gained during the holidays I ramped up my workouts and vowed to tweet (@keb12205) at least once a day (#gymjunkie). I proceeded then to tweet my back instead and got followed on Twitter by at least two lesbians and a commercial interest. What to do???

SOLUTION: I took 3 ibuprofen and two days off work to baby my back, skipped the tweets and as a tweet to myself I had a massage to help alleviate the pain and try to figure out what the f#@k was going on. DIAGNOSES: Basically I'm 50 and need to back off on the workouts, and (Resolution #4 is) DRINK MORE WATER. I wonder if beer counts as water??? Sigh. There's definitely room for improvement, but I think I'm trying too hard in all the wrong ways.

However, did we all read the article in the NYTimes about how yoga can wreck your body? Trust me, I'd rather wreck my body doing yoga or running too far or doing too many crunches or lifting too much weight or swimming too long, which apparently I have done, than eating nothing but Doritos and watching TV, which is just fine, by the way, if you're flat on your back from overdoing it at the gym, but not fine if you're just being a lazy sod. But I don't really WANT to be a wreck, I'd just rather die on a treadmill than on the couch with crumbs all over my tummy when the EMTs come to take me away.

QUESTION: Who watches infomercials? 30 minutes of a running ad to sell you 6 videos on how to wreck your body with a kettleball is just slightly stupider than watching back-to-back Frasier re-runs all morning, which I will NOT admit to.

And NO there was no "Jesus moment" if you are curious about how I hurt my back, like "Jesus, what did I do"? It snuck up on me like middle age itself.

Maybe I'll read a book. One with a spine that doesn't creak when you open it. Pass me my Kindle.