Burning Calories

The question of the week is: How many calories do you burn by talking too much?

ANSWER: Not enough, so shut me up and lets get back to our workouts, shall we???

Everyone wants to enjoy the goodies offered up during the holidays, as well we should, and maybe even have a second helping of baklava, because it's delicious! We just need to relax about our weight, embrace the goodwill, and promise ourselves to freakin' STOP eating at some point before the end of March or we will look like Nerf footballs in our bathing suits come springtime.

Here are a few ways to burn off those extra calories - maybe you will find some of these suggestions very useful. Or not.

• Use a manual toothbrush instead of your electric one. Anything manual burns more calories.


• Toss and turn at night instead of sleeping easily. Turn your pillow over to the cool side as often as possible.


• Shift alot when driving, even if that means zipping around more than is legal. If you drive an automatic, change radio stations every time another ad comes on.


• Dry your hair with a blowdryer, standing up. This will burn at least 25 calories more than if you allow your hair to dry naturally.


• Whip the cream for your pies by hand instead of using a hand mixer. Not only will you burn extra calories but it will help tone your forearms.


• Don't stop swimming laps during your workout, even if your goggles are totally fogged up, your cap is slipping off the top of your pinhead, your suit is riding up your ass, and you desperatly need a drink of water to wash down the taste or chlorine in your mouth. Michael Phelps reportedly consumes 12,000 calories a day, so trust me on this tip.


• Don't use Pam before you roast your turkey. Scrubbing out the pan burns at least 250 calories if you combine both the exertion and the piss me off factor because you forgot to spray the stupid pan beforehand.


• Jump rope with Wonder Woman. You will get a great cardio workout and discover your knees.


• Shower in cold water. Trying to stay warm in order to shave your legs without razor burn will burn way more calories than a warm shower, and you will get a closer shave. I suggest you use shower stall #1 in the Ladies Locker Room to assist the process.

Happy Holidays, everyone. Wishing you good food and and good health. Uh, yes, pass the baklava.