Lickity Split

It's amazing how fast I can get out of the locker room when Poison Ivy makes the scene. All week she's been cornering people to tell them about her new granddaughter, even though we've all heard her story several times just eavesdropping. I'm outta there, lickity split.

On Wednesday morning there were no free pool lanes until the guy I call Noodle said he was done and about crashed into Lover Boy making his way out across the lanes. I remarked about the fender bender. Mom thought I was calling Noodle by his pool name to his face! She had bumped into him twice with those stupid noodles of his doing laps and she said he didn't even notice. SO we have a name change - it's official - Noodle is now Fender Bender. I about split my side laughing.

Sharin' and Carin' (her fiance who now has his OWN pool name!) had a lovely party yesterday at their big new home. Sea Monkey asked me what HIS pool name was. EEK. In front of all those people AND his wife! I simply said "you don't have one yet". EEEEEK. (I lied - but I was caught!). Anyway, so today Lover Boy suggested "S'Monkey but I think I'd still have to explain it (he looks like those water creatures you used to be able to buy through the comic books depicted as cartoons where there was a king and queen and everyone had pot bellies and fins for feet swimming around the fishbowl but if you ever actually ordered them behind your mother's back you got a bag of dry worms that just turned the water brown, wiggled a bit, then died). So I'm splitting the difference and HIS new pool name is now "Spunky".

Sharing is okay but splitting lanes when you don't need to royally sucks. I agree that Wonder Woman shouldn't have to share a lane so that Evil Lifeguard can do laps instead of working the start of her shift. Evil Lifeguard's husband, whose pool name IS HIS NAME (he is so straight and weird), seems to think he, too, is very very important and always expects to get his own lane, but not the rest of us. I don't mean to split hairs but I AM MORE IMPORTANT. WW is a close second.

And splitting up is also awful. The Bethlehem Lurker and her husband Knee Jerker (again, a new pool name!) are getting a divorce and I'm so sad and worried about BL and her wonderful dogs. You can share with me anytime honey. I'm there for you. Just don't butterfly in my lane.