Getting Fitted

Throwing a fit is NOT the same as getting fit. Trust me on this. The dude that freaked out in a Gold's Gym earlier this week didn't get this salient point and died as a result.

There is a chance that "performance enhancers" (not to be confused with the other type, so popular with daytime TV ads) and "cocaine" (not to be confused with Diet Coke with Lime) had something to do with this young man's rage. Or it could simply be that another member PISSED HIM OFF. Please - I love you guys, so I want to recommend that if you see anyone that is probably NOT a zombie, has red eyes rolling around in his or her head, weighs over 200 pounds and has giant muscles, that you be nice. On the other hand, if they are small, think they're fit, piss you off just because they can, and are obviously an ASSHOLE (and/or you are menapausal and potentially dangerous), that you let me know. I'll be happy to take them down a notch using my trusty Miss Kitty Taser.

Also, I want to recommend wearing a swim suit that fits. Right now mine is so tight that I have to pull the back down over the bottom of my butt about 20 times per swim to cover that little piece that wants to hang out from under my suit (however, I know in a few weeks my bathing suit will start to dissolve and actually fit, so please ignore me). JOJ has a suit that only fits if he pulls it under his armpits. LCD (Little Chinese Dude) has a suit that threatens to get pulled off with the surf. Lover Boy looks good in his spido. He looks fit AND his suit fits. Point made.

Also also, what you wear when you work out is VERY likely to get you a "pool name" that you won't be happy with. For example, let's make fun of Mr. Glad, the man with the white hair who ALWAYS wears a white turtleneck on his long walk almost every goddamn day on the dreadmill and does nothing else besides (if you remember, assuming you are over 50, the Man From Glad is an older gentleman with white hair and is always dressed in a white suit). He had a fit this week, according to my sources, because the TV on "his" dreadmill wasn't working (much like many of the others). Of course using a different piece of equipment was not an option. Freakin' out was. A worthy adversary for sure during our morning commute - he no doubt screams and shouts at other cars and likes to cut people off in traffic, but this at least I can understand.

Get Fit in 2012. Or just get fitted into something that fits. Just don't have a fit. It might save your life.