Stating the Obvious

There's a little sign in the dry sauna that is full of good advice, like "Staying too long in a heated area is capable of causing overheating". Duh.

In stating the obvious there are lots of things that come to mind that are almost as useless as our little sign. Allow me to share a few:

No one under 18 is allowed in the adult locker rooms. This includes 4 year old boys in the WOMENS when I am naked. Really, I don't want to scare the little guy.

Cell phone use in the lobby only. This also includes hand held mobile devices. We are not all that interested in your critically important grocery list.

Lost and found items only $1.00 each. If it was yours to begin with tough shit.

Members and Guests Only. If you forgot your card step aside and go to the end of the line. I'm in a big hurry to work out.

NO Underwater Training. If I dive into the pool am I breaking the rules if I go under the surface? What IS underwater training, anyway???

"Wipe down machines after use". This means with a paper towel and disinfectant, not your sweaty towel.

Please shower after using one of our (heated - sauna/steam room) facilities before using the pools. SHOWER. PLEASE. You are sweaty and disgusting. SHOWER PLEASE. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! (one lady still isn't talking to me when I called her on it a few months ago - I don't get the name S.L.B. for nothing you know....)

I have a few suggestions for signs at the Y, but these should be obvious:

NO DRIVING DIAGONALLY AT HIGH SPEED THROUGH THE PARKING LOT
NO HEAVY PERFUME IN THE FITNESS CENTER
NO AFTERSHAVE USE BEFORE SWIMMING
NO FAT BOYS IN SPEEDOS
CLEAN UP YOUR HAIR IN THE SHOWERS
CLEAN UP YOUR MAKEUP NEAR THE SINKS, and
NO FARTING ON THE TREADMILLS

The world is way too full of rules, and as you might have guessed I can do a pretty good job of breaking them. The trick is not to get caught. That and staying alive, I guess. Anyway, there's a reason I don't stay in the sauna too long: after 2 miles in the pool, and 15 minutes in the hot tub, I need to pee, and I don't need a sign that says NOT TO PEE in the pool (even though there is a rule for that, FYI).