The Other Y

I was in a different Y pool on Monday, Wednesday and Sunday this past week because ours was closed for annual maintenance. I had to be "nice" because I didn't know anyone. I was an INTERLOPER.

So on Monday this woman gets into the lane with me and she's wearing - no fooling - the exact same bubblegum pink trimmed swimsuit, matching pink strapped goggles, a white swim cap, blue flip flops AND she selected a matching blue kickboard (instead of red or green) from which to kick, just like me, then got in the lane with me. Because I felt the need to be "friendly" I said "Nice suit". She looked over my left shoulder and said "Uh, thanks", then proceeded to ignore me. I pointed out "We're wearing the same suit!", so she looked at her chest and said "Oh, yeah" (end conversation here). She made me feel like a middle aged needy idiot, AND she was way faster than me (although most people are). I should have pointed out that the suit and goggles we had obviously BOTH purchased from SwimOutlet.com were pretty loud and that this is what we get for shopping online, but since I looked better in it than she did I just bit my smile and accepted that I'm a middle aged idiot and she needed to lose 30 pounds, so we're even.

On Wednesday I got to swim with Mark Spitz. No fooling. He had a mustache and smelled like Aqua Velvet (and made the water TASTE like Aqua Velvet) and he looked good and swam great and knew it, and just hated that I'd gotten in his lane with him. Like I care. Kick hard make splashes. Anyway, I moved in with him because three of the most beautiful youts ever came in wanting to swim together and because I was an INTERLOPER I kindly gave up my lane so I could share with Mark Spitz. Now it may seem like I was actually being nice, but I figured they took up less pool space if they were willing to swim circles, so it's really all about me. AND I got to piss off Mark Spitz, so it was fun, too, to be nice.

Monkey Man and Teenie Weenie were the only G. Y members that I saw at the E.G. Y this week. THANKS EVERYONE, for leaving me to my own devices. But I did my best to behave, FYI.

The carpets there need to be cleaned. The showers don't drain. But I have to say all the staff are nice at the E.G. Y and the lifeguards actually seem to WANT to open all the pool lanes and space out in their chairs. Nice to have an option to swim elsewhere during "maintenance". Let's see what the G. Y pool looks like on Tuesday when it reopens. Hopefully cleaner but my guess is probably otherwise no different.

It will be great to see the gang again. Being an INTERLOPER reminds me about "good manners". If I'm rude at least I can trust you guys to tell me off. That's what good friends are for.