Almost every day we drive down Winding Brook Drive to the Y. There's a sign on the left that's been there for at least a decade. TEST: How many acres are for sale?
1. 75
2. 25
3. 52
4. 57
I'm not going to tell you you should know the answer because by now.
If you aren't sure then wake up. There are days when we must ask ourselves: Do I remember even driving to the Y??? (NOTE: this question is not a test question - it's merely to energize your critical analysis of the Early Morning Workout)
I did my two miles in the pool this morning and I noticed something. Which of the following is correct:
1. The water was too warm, again
2. There are new backstroke flags
3. The homemade swimteam banners have been removed
4. S.L.B. was wearing a new bathing suit
5. All of the above
I you answered #2, try again. I'm still not showing you my cards....
OK I am still having fun goading you all. Puzzles are supposed to be good for old brains. Which of the following signs did you encounter on your visit to the Y this week?
1. America on the Move is doing stuff
2. There are weekend pool closures scheduled for the fall
3. You can sign up for the Zumbathon (whatever the hell that is)
4. Toilet #2 in the ladies isn't working
5. There's a new class on Monday's that involves "intervals"
If you answered #4 you're WRONG. That was last week. Funny the way time plays havoc with our small brains.
Please help me defeat the myth that athletes are brain dead little slugs only interested in such complex issues as the positive side of Muscle Milk. TEST: What is
"Muscle Milk"?
1. A milk made out of muscles
2. Something sweet and tasty that is expensive, so it must be good for you
3. An important part of a balanced breakfast
4. None of the above
ANSWER: #2. I like Strawberry.
xxx
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
The Other Y
I was in a different Y pool on Monday, Wednesday and Sunday this past week because ours was closed for annual maintenance. I had to be "nice" because I didn't know anyone. I was an INTERLOPER.
So on Monday this woman gets into the lane with me and she's wearing - no fooling - the exact same bubblegum pink trimmed swimsuit, matching pink strapped goggles, a white swim cap, blue flip flops AND she selected a matching blue kickboard (instead of red or green) from which to kick, just like me, then got in the lane with me. Because I felt the need to be "friendly" I said "Nice suit". She looked over my left shoulder and said "Uh, thanks", then proceeded to ignore me. I pointed out "We're wearing the same suit!", so she looked at her chest and said "Oh, yeah" (end conversation here). She made me feel like a middle aged needy idiot, AND she was way faster than me (although most people are). I should have pointed out that the suit and goggles we had obviously BOTH purchased from SwimOutlet.com were pretty loud and that this is what we get for shopping online, but since I looked better in it than she did I just bit my smile and accepted that I'm a middle aged idiot and she needed to lose 30 pounds, so we're even.
On Wednesday I got to swim with Mark Spitz. No fooling. He had a mustache and smelled like Aqua Velvet (and made the water TASTE like Aqua Velvet) and he looked good and swam great and knew it, and just hated that I'd gotten in his lane with him. Like I care. Kick hard make splashes. Anyway, I moved in with him because three of the most beautiful youts ever came in wanting to swim together and because I was an INTERLOPER I kindly gave up my lane so I could share with Mark Spitz. Now it may seem like I was actually being nice, but I figured they took up less pool space if they were willing to swim circles, so it's really all about me. AND I got to piss off Mark Spitz, so it was fun, too, to be nice.
Monkey Man and Teenie Weenie were the only G. Y members that I saw at the E.G. Y this week. THANKS EVERYONE, for leaving me to my own devices. But I did my best to behave, FYI.
The carpets there need to be cleaned. The showers don't drain. But I have to say all the staff are nice at the E.G. Y and the lifeguards actually seem to WANT to open all the pool lanes and space out in their chairs. Nice to have an option to swim elsewhere during "maintenance". Let's see what the G. Y pool looks like on Tuesday when it reopens. Hopefully cleaner but my guess is probably otherwise no different.
It will be great to see the gang again. Being an INTERLOPER reminds me about "good manners". If I'm rude at least I can trust you guys to tell me off. That's what good friends are for.
So on Monday this woman gets into the lane with me and she's wearing - no fooling - the exact same bubblegum pink trimmed swimsuit, matching pink strapped goggles, a white swim cap, blue flip flops AND she selected a matching blue kickboard (instead of red or green) from which to kick, just like me, then got in the lane with me. Because I felt the need to be "friendly" I said "Nice suit". She looked over my left shoulder and said "Uh, thanks", then proceeded to ignore me. I pointed out "We're wearing the same suit!", so she looked at her chest and said "Oh, yeah" (end conversation here). She made me feel like a middle aged needy idiot, AND she was way faster than me (although most people are). I should have pointed out that the suit and goggles we had obviously BOTH purchased from SwimOutlet.com were pretty loud and that this is what we get for shopping online, but since I looked better in it than she did I just bit my smile and accepted that I'm a middle aged idiot and she needed to lose 30 pounds, so we're even.
On Wednesday I got to swim with Mark Spitz. No fooling. He had a mustache and smelled like Aqua Velvet (and made the water TASTE like Aqua Velvet) and he looked good and swam great and knew it, and just hated that I'd gotten in his lane with him. Like I care. Kick hard make splashes. Anyway, I moved in with him because three of the most beautiful youts ever came in wanting to swim together and because I was an INTERLOPER I kindly gave up my lane so I could share with Mark Spitz. Now it may seem like I was actually being nice, but I figured they took up less pool space if they were willing to swim circles, so it's really all about me. AND I got to piss off Mark Spitz, so it was fun, too, to be nice.
Monkey Man and Teenie Weenie were the only G. Y members that I saw at the E.G. Y this week. THANKS EVERYONE, for leaving me to my own devices. But I did my best to behave, FYI.
The carpets there need to be cleaned. The showers don't drain. But I have to say all the staff are nice at the E.G. Y and the lifeguards actually seem to WANT to open all the pool lanes and space out in their chairs. Nice to have an option to swim elsewhere during "maintenance". Let's see what the G. Y pool looks like on Tuesday when it reopens. Hopefully cleaner but my guess is probably otherwise no different.
It will be great to see the gang again. Being an INTERLOPER reminds me about "good manners". If I'm rude at least I can trust you guys to tell me off. That's what good friends are for.
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