The power went out in the Fitness Center for no apparent reason whatsoever last Sunday morning at precisely 7:50 a.m. Wonder Woman, being more alert than most early in the day, quickly used the handy "thumbs down" - actually "two thumbs down" - to signal that the Y really sucks. I'm glad it came in useful.
The curious thing was that the ellipticals and two of the bikes were still working. I commented to WW that all this time when she thought she was running on the machine it was actually running her. Very creepy, but we did learn something: some of the machines run on the power that we, as Gym Junkies, generate using our own - get this - ENERGY. Either that or WW et al have supernatural powers, which is very possible (my powers of deduction only from watching her swim).
These powers will come in particularly useful tomorrow, as it is All Hallows Eve and, as usual, the effin' kids will be going door to door begging for candy, which we give them hoping they will go away and not Charmin or egg the front yard.
But the Y doesn't always suck. The guy that was working last Sunday morning actually let me keep going on the spin bike until I was done, which was really nice of him (plus he was cute - very powerful combo). Anyway, it was light enough in the front of the room that he figured I was safe as long as I didn't run with scissors or try to lift weights in the dark (not that there's anything to see). After about 20 minutes get this: I was the ONLY ONE THERE. For all the years I've dreamt of having the whole place to myself I did, and you know what? It was CREEPY. Just as I was ready to leave , noting from the time that it was still 7:50 a.m. so time must have stopped and everyone in the world had gone up to heaven except for me, the lights came back on and "members" starting drifting in and everyone acted like nothing had happened. I'm gonna keep an eye on the zombies for a few more days until I figure I can trust everyone again.
Speaking of zombies: I have it on good authority that they can PRO-CREATE, and I'm guessing that means eating extra brains, so if you normally carry an extra around with you in your oversize gym bag you might want to keep it locked up until we know the extent of the problem. This is how I know: Poison Ivy has a granddaughter, not that we care, but I'm glad she told everyone so now we know that even the babies can be dangerous, FYI. Please be careful of small children dressed innocently as Tootsie Rolls on 10/31.
We had snow last night - a powerful storm swept up the east coast and wiped out power for lots of folks but we did fine in this area, at least for all I know. So with power we can vacuum. It must be Sunday.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Useful Hand Gestures
Since we all seem to have earplugs in when we're swimmin', or have the music blaring from our I-devices in the Fitness Center and can't figure out how to turn it off, or we've got something to say that we shouldn't say out loud, many of us resort to hand gestures. Here is an assortment, with explanations of their meaning, that I think you will find very useful.
There's the thumbs up, which means "right on, toots" or something like that. VERY useful when you're in a good mood. The thumbs down is often associated with negative sentiments, such as "the Y sucks", which it sometimes does, that's Y I'm there every day. Every time I see that the Women's Locker Room is "CLOSED FOR MAINTENANCE" I use the handy thumbs down. I'm always curious when they reopen what exactly it was that was "maintained" but apparently it is not yet the rusty lockers, half of which don't open and close right, but I'm hopeful.
OK: This is a very easy gesture made by simply connecting the thumb and forefinger in a circle and holding the other fingers out straight. Or it can mean Asshole if you're from South America (which is America only South) so use this cautiously knowing we must all be culturally respectful. However, only you need to know what it is you're trying to say.
If someone holds their hand out to you with the index and middle finger upright and parted with the rest of the fingers folded up, palm facing outward, what does it mean??? CORRECT: Once upon a time, far far away it meant VICTORY. It was VERY cool. In the 1960s it meant PEACE. It was even cooler.
Turn the clock ahead 50 years. It's 5:30 a.m. sometime in October 2011 and you're at the Y. What does the gesture mean today when Guitar Man greets you at the mats???
YES! It means "WELCOME TO THE Y!" So the next time someone makes this gesture at you say "WELCOME" back at them. Smile big. Hugs optional. It can also mean "THROW YOUR ARMS IN THE AIR!" So the next time someone makes this gesture at you THROW YOUR ARMS IN THE AIR AND CHEER. A good yell is a great release and part of a balanced breakfast. It will also serve the freak them out for at least a month or two so you can get on with your workout and have one less person to annoy you.
There are others that I hope you will also find very useful (you can print this blog for future reference):
Blah blah blah: The fingers are kept straight and together snapped against the thumb repeatedly to imitate a mouth that just wont' shut up. If you get caught making this gesture behind J.O.J.'s back quickly curl up the index finger and make shadow puppets of a puppy on the back wall.
Loser: This hand gesture is made by extending the thumb and forefinger to resemble the letter L, but if you use your left hand instead of your right because you are lifting weights with your right it could be misinterpreted as "One moment please", so your fellow member may wait for you to finish your set instead of going away quietly.
The finger: I don't need to explain this one to you. If you raise both middle fingers at someone it's THE NUMBER ELEVEN. That's more than giving someone a TEN. Good luck with that one. Try not to get caught.
One day soon we'll discuss the meaning of air kisses.
There's the thumbs up, which means "right on, toots" or something like that. VERY useful when you're in a good mood. The thumbs down is often associated with negative sentiments, such as "the Y sucks", which it sometimes does, that's Y I'm there every day. Every time I see that the Women's Locker Room is "CLOSED FOR MAINTENANCE" I use the handy thumbs down. I'm always curious when they reopen what exactly it was that was "maintained" but apparently it is not yet the rusty lockers, half of which don't open and close right, but I'm hopeful.
OK: This is a very easy gesture made by simply connecting the thumb and forefinger in a circle and holding the other fingers out straight. Or it can mean Asshole if you're from South America (which is America only South) so use this cautiously knowing we must all be culturally respectful. However, only you need to know what it is you're trying to say.
If someone holds their hand out to you with the index and middle finger upright and parted with the rest of the fingers folded up, palm facing outward, what does it mean??? CORRECT: Once upon a time, far far away it meant VICTORY. It was VERY cool. In the 1960s it meant PEACE. It was even cooler.
Turn the clock ahead 50 years. It's 5:30 a.m. sometime in October 2011 and you're at the Y. What does the gesture mean today when Guitar Man greets you at the mats???
YES! It means "WELCOME TO THE Y!" So the next time someone makes this gesture at you say "WELCOME" back at them. Smile big. Hugs optional. It can also mean "THROW YOUR ARMS IN THE AIR!" So the next time someone makes this gesture at you THROW YOUR ARMS IN THE AIR AND CHEER. A good yell is a great release and part of a balanced breakfast. It will also serve the freak them out for at least a month or two so you can get on with your workout and have one less person to annoy you.
There are others that I hope you will also find very useful (you can print this blog for future reference):
Blah blah blah: The fingers are kept straight and together snapped against the thumb repeatedly to imitate a mouth that just wont' shut up. If you get caught making this gesture behind J.O.J.'s back quickly curl up the index finger and make shadow puppets of a puppy on the back wall.
Loser: This hand gesture is made by extending the thumb and forefinger to resemble the letter L, but if you use your left hand instead of your right because you are lifting weights with your right it could be misinterpreted as "One moment please", so your fellow member may wait for you to finish your set instead of going away quietly.
The finger: I don't need to explain this one to you. If you raise both middle fingers at someone it's THE NUMBER ELEVEN. That's more than giving someone a TEN. Good luck with that one. Try not to get caught.
One day soon we'll discuss the meaning of air kisses.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Stating the Obvious
There's a little sign in the dry sauna that is full of good advice, like "Staying too long in a heated area is capable of causing overheating". Duh.
In stating the obvious there are lots of things that come to mind that are almost as useless as our little sign. Allow me to share a few:
No one under 18 is allowed in the adult locker rooms. This includes 4 year old boys in the WOMENS when I am naked. Really, I don't want to scare the little guy.
Cell phone use in the lobby only. This also includes hand held mobile devices. We are not all that interested in your critically important grocery list.
Lost and found items only $1.00 each. If it was yours to begin with tough shit.
Members and Guests Only. If you forgot your card step aside and go to the end of the line. I'm in a big hurry to work out.
NO Underwater Training. If I dive into the pool am I breaking the rules if I go under the surface? What IS underwater training, anyway???
"Wipe down machines after use". This means with a paper towel and disinfectant, not your sweaty towel.
Please shower after using one of our (heated - sauna/steam room) facilities before using the pools. SHOWER. PLEASE. You are sweaty and disgusting. SHOWER PLEASE. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! (one lady still isn't talking to me when I called her on it a few months ago - I don't get the name S.L.B. for nothing you know....)
I have a few suggestions for signs at the Y, but these should be obvious:
NO DRIVING DIAGONALLY AT HIGH SPEED THROUGH THE PARKING LOT
NO HEAVY PERFUME IN THE FITNESS CENTER
NO AFTERSHAVE USE BEFORE SWIMMING
NO FAT BOYS IN SPEEDOS
CLEAN UP YOUR HAIR IN THE SHOWERS
CLEAN UP YOUR MAKEUP NEAR THE SINKS, and
NO FARTING ON THE TREADMILLS
The world is way too full of rules, and as you might have guessed I can do a pretty good job of breaking them. The trick is not to get caught. That and staying alive, I guess. Anyway, there's a reason I don't stay in the sauna too long: after 2 miles in the pool, and 15 minutes in the hot tub, I need to pee, and I don't need a sign that says NOT TO PEE in the pool (even though there is a rule for that, FYI).
In stating the obvious there are lots of things that come to mind that are almost as useless as our little sign. Allow me to share a few:
No one under 18 is allowed in the adult locker rooms. This includes 4 year old boys in the WOMENS when I am naked. Really, I don't want to scare the little guy.
Cell phone use in the lobby only. This also includes hand held mobile devices. We are not all that interested in your critically important grocery list.
Lost and found items only $1.00 each. If it was yours to begin with tough shit.
Members and Guests Only. If you forgot your card step aside and go to the end of the line. I'm in a big hurry to work out.
NO Underwater Training. If I dive into the pool am I breaking the rules if I go under the surface? What IS underwater training, anyway???
"Wipe down machines after use". This means with a paper towel and disinfectant, not your sweaty towel.
Please shower after using one of our (heated - sauna/steam room) facilities before using the pools. SHOWER. PLEASE. You are sweaty and disgusting. SHOWER PLEASE. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! (one lady still isn't talking to me when I called her on it a few months ago - I don't get the name S.L.B. for nothing you know....)
I have a few suggestions for signs at the Y, but these should be obvious:
NO DRIVING DIAGONALLY AT HIGH SPEED THROUGH THE PARKING LOT
NO HEAVY PERFUME IN THE FITNESS CENTER
NO AFTERSHAVE USE BEFORE SWIMMING
NO FAT BOYS IN SPEEDOS
CLEAN UP YOUR HAIR IN THE SHOWERS
CLEAN UP YOUR MAKEUP NEAR THE SINKS, and
NO FARTING ON THE TREADMILLS
The world is way too full of rules, and as you might have guessed I can do a pretty good job of breaking them. The trick is not to get caught. That and staying alive, I guess. Anyway, there's a reason I don't stay in the sauna too long: after 2 miles in the pool, and 15 minutes in the hot tub, I need to pee, and I don't need a sign that says NOT TO PEE in the pool (even though there is a rule for that, FYI).
Monday, October 10, 2011
Hot and Cold
Some like it hot, some like it cold. Me? I want it perfect.
At my age, or thereabouts, a long drive alone with the temperature controls is a wonderful thing. On Wednesday I went to Ithaca in a Toyota Yaris that only had 6 miles on it when I got in. Cool. As I head out into the October afternoon I'm cold, so I crank the heat. Then the sun comes around and I turn on the AC. Then I have a hot flash and I crank the cold air for as long as it takes to get cold again. Then I open the windows to warm up. Repeat for three hours.
Earlier this week the pool water felt like it was about 89 degrees. All the "old" (read: OLDER) ladies in the locker room were going on about how lovely the water was. All the "young" (read: 55 and under crowd) were bitching that it was too warm for a real workout. The next day the water is about 76 degrees - perfect for a long swim! The water felt refreshing, sparkling bright with fluorescent sunshine as I zipped along the surf. AHHHH. Until the next day when it was overheated again. Sigh. But by Sunday afternoon the pool water was again so cold I almost couldn't get warm after my swim but I was happy - I had a great workout and the pool was EMPTY because it's a holiday weekend and most people have a life. For a gym junkie it was just about perfect.
The weather has been wacky but for a Columbus Day weekend we couldn't have asked for better. It was cold when I headed out on my bike this morning. It was hot by the time I got home. A run in the park on Saturday was nice and chilly but the sun was warm on my shoulders. Today it's hot in the house and even hotter sitting outside but the wine is nice and cold and the cold shower and wet hair and wearing shorts are a good thing.
It's been nice and cool overnight so when I wake up in a sweat and throw off the blankets, two cats and my husband's arm it only takes a few minutes to get cold again. Cover up. Fall asleep. Hot flash. Wake up in a sweat and chuck the cats again. Repeat for eight hours. Get up. Workout. Get hot. Or cold. Whatever. Just don't wanna ever be lukewarm.
At my age, or thereabouts, a long drive alone with the temperature controls is a wonderful thing. On Wednesday I went to Ithaca in a Toyota Yaris that only had 6 miles on it when I got in. Cool. As I head out into the October afternoon I'm cold, so I crank the heat. Then the sun comes around and I turn on the AC. Then I have a hot flash and I crank the cold air for as long as it takes to get cold again. Then I open the windows to warm up. Repeat for three hours.
Earlier this week the pool water felt like it was about 89 degrees. All the "old" (read: OLDER) ladies in the locker room were going on about how lovely the water was. All the "young" (read: 55 and under crowd) were bitching that it was too warm for a real workout. The next day the water is about 76 degrees - perfect for a long swim! The water felt refreshing, sparkling bright with fluorescent sunshine as I zipped along the surf. AHHHH. Until the next day when it was overheated again. Sigh. But by Sunday afternoon the pool water was again so cold I almost couldn't get warm after my swim but I was happy - I had a great workout and the pool was EMPTY because it's a holiday weekend and most people have a life. For a gym junkie it was just about perfect.
The weather has been wacky but for a Columbus Day weekend we couldn't have asked for better. It was cold when I headed out on my bike this morning. It was hot by the time I got home. A run in the park on Saturday was nice and chilly but the sun was warm on my shoulders. Today it's hot in the house and even hotter sitting outside but the wine is nice and cold and the cold shower and wet hair and wearing shorts are a good thing.
It's been nice and cool overnight so when I wake up in a sweat and throw off the blankets, two cats and my husband's arm it only takes a few minutes to get cold again. Cover up. Fall asleep. Hot flash. Wake up in a sweat and chuck the cats again. Repeat for eight hours. Get up. Workout. Get hot. Or cold. Whatever. Just don't wanna ever be lukewarm.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Carried AwaY with a Capital Y
Of course You all know that I'm alwaYs the Picture of Restraint. Except when it's partY time.
I had THREE glasses of wine on MondaY night. I was carried awaY by Your love and smiles and hugs and generositY. Well, not literallY, but close. One more glass of wine would have cinched it.
So I'm half waY to 100. TuesdaY I celebrated this fact bY "Doing the Straps" at 5:00 a.m. with Cookie and M&M. This is also about restraint: You use these wall straps and Your personal gravitY to enhance squats, lunges, and upper bodY toning. HAH, You saY! Even if You so rightlY point out that bY the looks of me I have less "gravitY" than most, when I'm high as a kite it's hard to tell if I'm floating, have the spins or if I'm going to do a face plant. It was fun. However, I have been informed that one cannot use these precious, sought after, highlY specialized pieces of complicated equipment unless You PAY FOR TRAINING. OK: now I'd like to use these straps to tie the people up that decided that theY can onlY be used bY those with more moneY than those of us that like to partY. WhY paY extra to find out that the equipment is lame??? I found that out for free.
It was fun breaking the rules.
Speaking of being carried awaY, there are so manY f*%^ing mosquitos out there in the real world beYond the Y walls and mY car and the window of mY office that the last time I was outside for more than 30 seconds I was literallY lifted off the ground, twirled around a few times, and deposited at mY mailbox with no less than 3000 bloodY itchY little bites (and all I had was junk mail). I went out for a long bike ride last SundaY and everY time I stopped for more than 2 seconds, like, for a red light, I got bit up. Mosquitos suck. Pun intended. I can't wait for COLD WEATHER. Smack me if You can reach me, if You are mad at me for wishing for winter, but at least You might kill a mosquito at the same time.
I hope I don't get too carried awaY worrYing about Poobah and Stitch. I don't know how P is doing and I miss him terriblY. I'm sad theY won't be coming to the Y anYmore and I hope no creepY angel carries them awaY anY time soon. Being at the Y without Poobah is like eating a bagel without cream cheese. And now I'm hungrY. So much for restraint. Pass the jellY.
I had THREE glasses of wine on MondaY night. I was carried awaY by Your love and smiles and hugs and generositY. Well, not literallY, but close. One more glass of wine would have cinched it.
So I'm half waY to 100. TuesdaY I celebrated this fact bY "Doing the Straps" at 5:00 a.m. with Cookie and M&M. This is also about restraint: You use these wall straps and Your personal gravitY to enhance squats, lunges, and upper bodY toning. HAH, You saY! Even if You so rightlY point out that bY the looks of me I have less "gravitY" than most, when I'm high as a kite it's hard to tell if I'm floating, have the spins or if I'm going to do a face plant. It was fun. However, I have been informed that one cannot use these precious, sought after, highlY specialized pieces of complicated equipment unless You PAY FOR TRAINING. OK: now I'd like to use these straps to tie the people up that decided that theY can onlY be used bY those with more moneY than those of us that like to partY. WhY paY extra to find out that the equipment is lame??? I found that out for free.
It was fun breaking the rules.
Speaking of being carried awaY, there are so manY f*%^ing mosquitos out there in the real world beYond the Y walls and mY car and the window of mY office that the last time I was outside for more than 30 seconds I was literallY lifted off the ground, twirled around a few times, and deposited at mY mailbox with no less than 3000 bloodY itchY little bites (and all I had was junk mail). I went out for a long bike ride last SundaY and everY time I stopped for more than 2 seconds, like, for a red light, I got bit up. Mosquitos suck. Pun intended. I can't wait for COLD WEATHER. Smack me if You can reach me, if You are mad at me for wishing for winter, but at least You might kill a mosquito at the same time.
I hope I don't get too carried awaY worrYing about Poobah and Stitch. I don't know how P is doing and I miss him terriblY. I'm sad theY won't be coming to the Y anYmore and I hope no creepY angel carries them awaY anY time soon. Being at the Y without Poobah is like eating a bagel without cream cheese. And now I'm hungrY. So much for restraint. Pass the jellY.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
