We have new blue and white lane lines and backstroke flags in the pool. My suit didn't match. But thanks to Wonder Woman and sweat shop laborers who didn't size her new swimsuit correctly, now I do! The Incredible Hunk daintily held it up in front of him to show us how it would look on him. I don't think it would fit one thigh.
But if I read between the lines it's obvious to me, at least, that he was frustrated that he couldn't wear a suit such as this because it's not gender appropriate. I am very intuitive.
T.B.B. is also very impressed with the new lane lines, so much so that it reminds us all how well that funding could have been reallocated to fix up the Ladies Locker Room instead. READ: paint the lockers, fix the flush on toilet #2, and get some freakin' ventilation in there. Yes, I have B.O. when I work out and between that and the perfume I try to mask it with and the shower fog and the fact that many of us hot flash and need AIR it's a wonder that we workout inside at all. Oh, and while you're at it, how about re-painting the friendly reminder to have a shower before getting in the pool on the door exiting the Ladies Locker Room onto the pool deck. Sub-title "did you have a poo this morning???"
FYI, I like working out on weekends and showering at home. No cooties.
But if I read between the lines it's obvious to me, at least, that T.B.B., like me, kept hitting the now raised lane lines with her hands and really doesn't appreciate stupid little bruises. I am so very, very intuitive.
Because of the bright shiny new lights and the new lane lines, all the other stuff that needs a facelift is so much more apparent than it was. Like me for instance. Also the grime around the hooks near the hot tub, the scum in the drains on the pool perimeter, and the 6" of dust on the fish balloon still hanging over Lane #8. And the Band-Aids in the water. And the hairballs.
I definitely look better in low light. So does our pool.
But if I read between the lines it's obvious to me, at least, that the best thing happening between the lines are chlorinated water at the perfect temperature (finally), friendly faces, and, as Sharin' will attest, the la-la land of a great swim on a Sunday morning. Life may at sometimes totally suck but the pool will ALWAYS make it a better day.
Time for a bourbon on the rocks.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Sunday, May 20, 2012
A Little Piece
Even a little piece of crap floating around in the pool is enough to give me the willies. You watch it migrate over to the next lane and suddenly you feel MUCH cleaner.
I think there are guys, especially (not to pick on you but hey, it's easy) that come to the Y because they are dirty. I met a friend from work in the lobby on Thursday night as I waited for Gumdrop to arrive for my massage. This friend looked out the front windows as a man was walking in and asked if that was who I was looking for. It was the ugliest, dirtiest, frumpiest old man you've ever seen, carrying a pink gym bag. I laughed - too funny! The thought of him touching anything still makes me slightest queasy.
Like BFUNS who crowded Sharin's lane a few weeks ago. I'm pretty sure he didn't come to swim. He just needed a bath.
Or the rub a dub dub scene this morning in the hot tub. Batman was in there for 90 minutes, clearly taking no heed of the dire warnings of limiting your stay to ten minutes, but so were several other funky looking guys (none died, FYI). They were all in there talking and laughing and, I'll bet you, shampooing and shaving and getting a pedicure at the same time. But there were no floaties when I got in later so I think I was safe from radioactive cooties.
The good weather folks are working out outside again and bringing in lots of crap on their shoes and leaving it all over the floors in the locker room, the mats, and in the showers. Little pieces of mud and things called "plants" and rocks and other unknown bits that really do not make for good adult hygiene in a busy gym. But the Puddle Fairy has at least been nixed by the magical appearance of an actual mop to clean up after herself, but I'm not sure she knows how to use it. She left the puddle and went into the loo. I put the mop up against her locker and made my escape to work. I hope she gets a clue.
The kind of little piece that I need is not in my bed, thanks for offering. I am searching for a little peace. I'm working on it. The cat is better, my blood pressure is down, the weather is lovely and the wine is chilled. Thanks to Gumdrop for helping me relax. I'll try not to let things get too me, including the paper towels someone left inside my locker for me this morning.
I think there are guys, especially (not to pick on you but hey, it's easy) that come to the Y because they are dirty. I met a friend from work in the lobby on Thursday night as I waited for Gumdrop to arrive for my massage. This friend looked out the front windows as a man was walking in and asked if that was who I was looking for. It was the ugliest, dirtiest, frumpiest old man you've ever seen, carrying a pink gym bag. I laughed - too funny! The thought of him touching anything still makes me slightest queasy.
Like BFUNS who crowded Sharin's lane a few weeks ago. I'm pretty sure he didn't come to swim. He just needed a bath.
Or the rub a dub dub scene this morning in the hot tub. Batman was in there for 90 minutes, clearly taking no heed of the dire warnings of limiting your stay to ten minutes, but so were several other funky looking guys (none died, FYI). They were all in there talking and laughing and, I'll bet you, shampooing and shaving and getting a pedicure at the same time. But there were no floaties when I got in later so I think I was safe from radioactive cooties.
The good weather folks are working out outside again and bringing in lots of crap on their shoes and leaving it all over the floors in the locker room, the mats, and in the showers. Little pieces of mud and things called "plants" and rocks and other unknown bits that really do not make for good adult hygiene in a busy gym. But the Puddle Fairy has at least been nixed by the magical appearance of an actual mop to clean up after herself, but I'm not sure she knows how to use it. She left the puddle and went into the loo. I put the mop up against her locker and made my escape to work. I hope she gets a clue.
The kind of little piece that I need is not in my bed, thanks for offering. I am searching for a little peace. I'm working on it. The cat is better, my blood pressure is down, the weather is lovely and the wine is chilled. Thanks to Gumdrop for helping me relax. I'll try not to let things get too me, including the paper towels someone left inside my locker for me this morning.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mine Mine Mine
By 5:15 a.m. a female someone has stacked up all her gear - towel, ditty bag, coat, clothes, etc. - in Shower Stall #4. I used it anyway when I showered before my swim on Friday. I did my best to splash her stuff.
This Unknown Female has claimed that stall - Mine Mine Mine - but I like that shower, even though there are clearly four others I can use. So it's the principle of the thing, and surely you know I have plenty of principles. What to do??? Do I move her stuff? Leave a sign "Buy a lock"? Use her towel? Swipe her car keys? Report this clear lack of consideration to other members? The S.L.B. possibilities are endless.
I was half a lap off from moving into the next lane, Lane #8, on Friday, but Evil Lifeguard was looking out for her man D.G. and got him in there before I even had a chance. Because, as we all know, this is his lane. It seems that he feels he's more entitled than everyone else to that lane, which is usually a lane all to oneself (no one likes to swim the wall). So I continued to have to share mine, which was okay because he was cute. Anyway, when another lane opened up and he pointed it out to me I said back "I was going to take your lane but you were too fast for me", then I turned my attention back to doing laps. Clearly he was taken off guard by this almost direct way of telling him off because he left soon after. I got his lane. Mine Mine Mine.
Curry the Nitwit must have had sex or something before coming to the gym this morning because he was running late. He's always the first one in the pool on Saturday and Sunday and he always swims in Lane #3, "his" lane. However, coming in at 6:45 it was already occupied by Sharin'. Now, there were other lanes he could swim in, but noooooooooo, had to have his lane. Mine Mine Mine. But she said something to him and he moved over and got in with Lover Boy instead! She has amazing powers. I am in awe. Maybe because she's pretty she gets away with it. When I tell people off they just throw it back in my face. Perhaps I need to practice.
So tomorrow morning I will get there right at 5:00, put Yellow Bag, my little towel, and the water bottle on one of the spin bikes (if I'm lucky, my bike, Number #2) before I load my locker and come back in 3.5 minutes to do my thing. If anyone zaps me for not being present and tries to move my stuff and take my bike over I hope it's someone that I love, like Cookie instead of Boob Job, who, I understand, will push your stuff over with her foot if she wants to take over your mat. If that happens I will just smile my prettiest messy hair, no makeup, bed wrinkled smile and, uh, I don't know, probably say something stupid.
Do you remember the seagulls in "Finding Nemo"??? The next time I get bumped I think maybe I'm going to start the chant: "Mine. Mine Mine. Mine Mine Mine." Instead of getting pissed off. Should be fun!
xxx
This Unknown Female has claimed that stall - Mine Mine Mine - but I like that shower, even though there are clearly four others I can use. So it's the principle of the thing, and surely you know I have plenty of principles. What to do??? Do I move her stuff? Leave a sign "Buy a lock"? Use her towel? Swipe her car keys? Report this clear lack of consideration to other members? The S.L.B. possibilities are endless.
I was half a lap off from moving into the next lane, Lane #8, on Friday, but Evil Lifeguard was looking out for her man D.G. and got him in there before I even had a chance. Because, as we all know, this is his lane. It seems that he feels he's more entitled than everyone else to that lane, which is usually a lane all to oneself (no one likes to swim the wall). So I continued to have to share mine, which was okay because he was cute. Anyway, when another lane opened up and he pointed it out to me I said back "I was going to take your lane but you were too fast for me", then I turned my attention back to doing laps. Clearly he was taken off guard by this almost direct way of telling him off because he left soon after. I got his lane. Mine Mine Mine.
Curry the Nitwit must have had sex or something before coming to the gym this morning because he was running late. He's always the first one in the pool on Saturday and Sunday and he always swims in Lane #3, "his" lane. However, coming in at 6:45 it was already occupied by Sharin'. Now, there were other lanes he could swim in, but noooooooooo, had to have his lane. Mine Mine Mine. But she said something to him and he moved over and got in with Lover Boy instead! She has amazing powers. I am in awe. Maybe because she's pretty she gets away with it. When I tell people off they just throw it back in my face. Perhaps I need to practice.
So tomorrow morning I will get there right at 5:00, put Yellow Bag, my little towel, and the water bottle on one of the spin bikes (if I'm lucky, my bike, Number #2) before I load my locker and come back in 3.5 minutes to do my thing. If anyone zaps me for not being present and tries to move my stuff and take my bike over I hope it's someone that I love, like Cookie instead of Boob Job, who, I understand, will push your stuff over with her foot if she wants to take over your mat. If that happens I will just smile my prettiest messy hair, no makeup, bed wrinkled smile and, uh, I don't know, probably say something stupid.
Do you remember the seagulls in "Finding Nemo"??? The next time I get bumped I think maybe I'm going to start the chant: "Mine. Mine Mine. Mine Mine Mine." Instead of getting pissed off. Should be fun!
xxx
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Deep Six Inches
The sidewalk in front of the Y is being replaced. This is, I think, the perfect opportunity to do in a few select Members We Can Do Without.
With only 6-8 inches of new concrete, it is important that those that we decide to entomb are cut up into smaller chunks so they don't float to the top. When I suggested this to Socks, one of our lifeguards, I will say in his favor that he didn't blink an eye at my suggestion. I offered to bring in plenty of plastic sheeting and he said he would work on his butchering skills. He is my new favorite.
On Wednesday a big fat ugly non-swimmer (BFUNS) got in by the wall in Lane 8 with Sharin'. Lover Boy and I watched the drama unfold. BFUNS only managed to survive about 6 laps before bailing, but that was enough to have Sharin' feeling bad about maybe being mean that she didn't want him there. She's asking me if she was being mean, but I reassured her, I hope, that it's OK, I'm mean too. I'm on her side totally. He should have just slept in, as usual, and had a Dunkin Donuts morning like most of America. He is definitely on my list of Members We Can Do Without.
Exercising inside at the Y instead of outside where you should be in May, or encased in cement, you will have a white ass if you are as white as I am. But there are plenty of folk with nice tans from trips to FL (or in preparation for a trip to FL). Me, I'm going cheap. I hung around on the back porch today because it is absolutely lovely - sunny and warm - AND, with the new banks of overpowered fluorescent lighting in the pool, I am more than certain I can also work on my tan while I do laps. I've been told that the new lighting is part of a "green" initiative, but I think if the lighting is so bright I can see the color of my heartbeat that maybe they need to maybe pull out a few bulbs. FYI, all the original lights are lit, in addition to the new lights, so I can't see how exactly we are saving energy, but if we are I expect my membership dues will come down really soon.
Did you all see the news this week about the NJ Tanning Lady bringing her kid into a tanning salon with her??? No doubt she is going to die from skin cancer, so no need to put her in cement. Instead, for only $51.00/month, we can stretch out on a towel out on the pool deck at the Guilderland Y. Cheap, just the way I like it.
With only 6-8 inches of new concrete, it is important that those that we decide to entomb are cut up into smaller chunks so they don't float to the top. When I suggested this to Socks, one of our lifeguards, I will say in his favor that he didn't blink an eye at my suggestion. I offered to bring in plenty of plastic sheeting and he said he would work on his butchering skills. He is my new favorite.
On Wednesday a big fat ugly non-swimmer (BFUNS) got in by the wall in Lane 8 with Sharin'. Lover Boy and I watched the drama unfold. BFUNS only managed to survive about 6 laps before bailing, but that was enough to have Sharin' feeling bad about maybe being mean that she didn't want him there. She's asking me if she was being mean, but I reassured her, I hope, that it's OK, I'm mean too. I'm on her side totally. He should have just slept in, as usual, and had a Dunkin Donuts morning like most of America. He is definitely on my list of Members We Can Do Without.
Exercising inside at the Y instead of outside where you should be in May, or encased in cement, you will have a white ass if you are as white as I am. But there are plenty of folk with nice tans from trips to FL (or in preparation for a trip to FL). Me, I'm going cheap. I hung around on the back porch today because it is absolutely lovely - sunny and warm - AND, with the new banks of overpowered fluorescent lighting in the pool, I am more than certain I can also work on my tan while I do laps. I've been told that the new lighting is part of a "green" initiative, but I think if the lighting is so bright I can see the color of my heartbeat that maybe they need to maybe pull out a few bulbs. FYI, all the original lights are lit, in addition to the new lights, so I can't see how exactly we are saving energy, but if we are I expect my membership dues will come down really soon.
Did you all see the news this week about the NJ Tanning Lady bringing her kid into a tanning salon with her??? No doubt she is going to die from skin cancer, so no need to put her in cement. Instead, for only $51.00/month, we can stretch out on a towel out on the pool deck at the Guilderland Y. Cheap, just the way I like it.
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