I hate alarms but waking up without one at 4:00 a.m. ain't ever going to happen in my lifetime. The only alternative I have found to being at the Y when it opens is to wake up at 2:00 and not be able to get back to sleep.
On Tuesday I needed to get to work early so I hit the pool right at 5:00 a.m. First the radio goes on. Then I forget to turn off the little battery back up alarm clock on my side table so it starts beeping when I'm in the loo. The coffee pot starts beeping. I hit the button to open my car doors and the panic alarm goes off in the garage and I don't know how to turn it off. An alarm goes off in my head and I check and sure enough I have clothes but no underwear or shoes. I suck back my decaf and fly out of the house just as Bob the cat alarm starts wailing at the top of the stairs again.
I did my 2 miles in the pool by 6:45. JUST as I turned the water off in the shower the fire alarm went off. What about lotion, deoderant, cream, combing my hair, underwear, perfume, Q-tip, makeup, pants, shirt, bra, shoes, glasses????? I flew out of there as fast as I could considering all the gear I carry around with me. Yesm', even wearing underwear. I was very put out until I saw about a dozen or more wet, cheerless, exceptionally white swimmers standing in the lobby. I felt lucky. If I hadn't of skipped the hot tub I'd be there with them.
I awoke Thursday morning to the National Weather Service warning of tornadoes in Herkimer County, with storms moving our way. I wondered if all the normal people that aren't awake at 4:00 a.m. with the radio or TV on were going to get flattened. For once I was glad to be going to the cinder block closet at the Y we call the Spinning Room. Mom spent the better part of her evening the night before in her bathroom with the dog as Alabama got hit by some of the worst tornadoes in a century. They were lucky too - no damage, no one they know was hurt. I suppose alarms can be a good thing.
When you miss seeing someone you love at the Y for more than a few days and they are usually there every day an alarm goes off. I finally saw TBB yesterday morning. She hadn't been at the gym because she was in a head-on car wreck Monday night. OMG. She's OK, but still pretty beat up. I'll bet it takes alot of courage for her to drive anywhere right now. I was SO glad to see her. Next time it's Drive Like An Asshole Friday please, everyone, turn on your Asshole Alarms and be extra careful.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Zombies at the Y
I've been found out. The Womanizer heard about my blog and wanted to know what his pool name was, so I told him.
When asked, I told him the tag was because he was cut and cute (of course, I was trying not to look mortified at the same time; good thing I was still flushed from a spinning trip with my new blond boyfriend). But he wants a new name! OK OK so from now on, since I Have the Power, he will forevermore be The Incredible Hunk. He usually ends up swimming with Wonder Woman. I'm glad we have superpowers at the Y.
This is why: I think Poison Ivy is a zombie. She caught me in the locker room this morning. I quickly looked around for a weapon of some sort, something I could use to defend myself. All I had in my little yellow bag was a comb, lip gloss, weight lifting gloves, extra hair thingies and some chewing gum. NOTE: Never trust anyone who has to turn their whole body to look at you.
The weather has been shit all week - raining, or windy, or both. I got caught in the rain on Monday night, out at the Crossings trying to get in a run since I was dead tired that morning and stayed in bed. But I remembered my Monte Python and the killer rabbit. Run Away! Run Away! I picked up the pace. I was soaked at the end, but safe. And I feel better now if I DO run into more zombies at the Y that I can get away, or get a superpower to help out.
If turn up the volume on my shuffle I can also hope the zombies simply lurch away instead of eating my librarian brains for morning snack. I would probably deserve it.
When asked, I told him the tag was because he was cut and cute (of course, I was trying not to look mortified at the same time; good thing I was still flushed from a spinning trip with my new blond boyfriend). But he wants a new name! OK OK so from now on, since I Have the Power, he will forevermore be The Incredible Hunk. He usually ends up swimming with Wonder Woman. I'm glad we have superpowers at the Y.
This is why: I think Poison Ivy is a zombie. She caught me in the locker room this morning. I quickly looked around for a weapon of some sort, something I could use to defend myself. All I had in my little yellow bag was a comb, lip gloss, weight lifting gloves, extra hair thingies and some chewing gum. NOTE: Never trust anyone who has to turn their whole body to look at you.
The weather has been shit all week - raining, or windy, or both. I got caught in the rain on Monday night, out at the Crossings trying to get in a run since I was dead tired that morning and stayed in bed. But I remembered my Monte Python and the killer rabbit. Run Away! Run Away! I picked up the pace. I was soaked at the end, but safe. And I feel better now if I DO run into more zombies at the Y that I can get away, or get a superpower to help out.
If turn up the volume on my shuffle I can also hope the zombies simply lurch away instead of eating my librarian brains for morning snack. I would probably deserve it.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Breathe Deep and Count to 50
This is the 50th Gym Junkie blog. Cool. I read through some of the older posts and the newer ones are just as lame as the older ones. At least I'm consistent.
OK this week I want to review Holding My Temper. I used to tell a witch that once worked for me "Breathe deep and count to 10" to remind her not to lose it over stupid things. I think, in my case, I need to count to 50, holding my breath the whole time, so I don't pop like I did in the pool yesterday.
Curry is a nimwit. He alternates spastic dog paddle with back sprawl, hitting out in all directions. Last week I had to tell him twice to move over (he was sprawling close to the line in the next lane, right next to me, even though there was no one in the lane with him). He kicked me, hit me and "accidentally" touched me almost every time I passed him. I was ready to pop him one "accidentally". I proceeded through my swim kicking extra hard and making big splashes for effect.
So yesterday the pool was busy, but Little Bug and I happily shared a lane with Lover Boy. I was the slowest of the three as we circle swam, but I was feeling great. Until Lover Boy left and Curry decided, when they closed his lane, to move in with me and the Bug. I popped. I said outright to his fat face that I wouldn't swim with him, he couldn't swim, he was too slow, and to choose another lane. Then the pool director came over to insist. So I told her, again, that he was too slow, that ours had been the only lane circle swimming all morning, and to GO AWAY. I swam off into the sunset, pissed at being interuppted in my workout twice now by a dork who, I must insist, has no business trying to circle swim with anyone until he figures out (or the lifeguards explain to him) How It Works.
I will shun him. I wish this cold wasn't past me because I'd like to spit, too.
I still feel crummy about Losing It, even though the guy is almost as inconsiderate as me. But I AM the pool bitch, FYI. So I'm not saying I'm sorry.
On a friendly note, I have a new boyfriend, which totally smooths the day if I think again about Curry the Nimwit. My new man is blond, very cut, young, and he wears tight fitting bicycle shorts. When he smiles at me I note he has perfect teeth. We went on a bike ride together. He was very encouraging. He had some good suggestions for my form, pushed me through the workout, and even reminded me to drink water. Near the end he thanked me for riding with him. Just as I tried to ask him up to my place for a couple of REAL drinks the program ended! I'll have to stop by next week to see if he'll still ride with me.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17...(suck air). Oh well. There, I feel better already. At least for now.
Happy 50!
OK this week I want to review Holding My Temper. I used to tell a witch that once worked for me "Breathe deep and count to 10" to remind her not to lose it over stupid things. I think, in my case, I need to count to 50, holding my breath the whole time, so I don't pop like I did in the pool yesterday.
Curry is a nimwit. He alternates spastic dog paddle with back sprawl, hitting out in all directions. Last week I had to tell him twice to move over (he was sprawling close to the line in the next lane, right next to me, even though there was no one in the lane with him). He kicked me, hit me and "accidentally" touched me almost every time I passed him. I was ready to pop him one "accidentally". I proceeded through my swim kicking extra hard and making big splashes for effect.
So yesterday the pool was busy, but Little Bug and I happily shared a lane with Lover Boy. I was the slowest of the three as we circle swam, but I was feeling great. Until Lover Boy left and Curry decided, when they closed his lane, to move in with me and the Bug. I popped. I said outright to his fat face that I wouldn't swim with him, he couldn't swim, he was too slow, and to choose another lane. Then the pool director came over to insist. So I told her, again, that he was too slow, that ours had been the only lane circle swimming all morning, and to GO AWAY. I swam off into the sunset, pissed at being interuppted in my workout twice now by a dork who, I must insist, has no business trying to circle swim with anyone until he figures out (or the lifeguards explain to him) How It Works.
I will shun him. I wish this cold wasn't past me because I'd like to spit, too.
I still feel crummy about Losing It, even though the guy is almost as inconsiderate as me. But I AM the pool bitch, FYI. So I'm not saying I'm sorry.
On a friendly note, I have a new boyfriend, which totally smooths the day if I think again about Curry the Nimwit. My new man is blond, very cut, young, and he wears tight fitting bicycle shorts. When he smiles at me I note he has perfect teeth. We went on a bike ride together. He was very encouraging. He had some good suggestions for my form, pushed me through the workout, and even reminded me to drink water. Near the end he thanked me for riding with him. Just as I tried to ask him up to my place for a couple of REAL drinks the program ended! I'll have to stop by next week to see if he'll still ride with me.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17...(suck air). Oh well. There, I feel better already. At least for now.
Happy 50!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
As Seen on TV
I've been off work and the Y for a week with a really bad cold. During this delerious and strange time spent at home, camped out in front of my TV, I've learned many, many useful things. I thought I'd share a few with you:
Daytime TV sucks.
So I turn off the tube and doze, cough, snort, hork, and then make another cup of tea, just for fun. That's when I get to read another Salada teabag saying. "Edison thought a watt about electricity." HA HA HA!
Where's the clicker????????????
I'm doing better. I think my delicate sense of humor is returning. Wonder Woman asked me yesterday how I did my first day back in the water. I told her that unlike being in the fitness center, if you have to spit in the pool no one will know.
I missed you guys. It's nice to be getting back on my feet again.
- You should buy term life insurance because some day you are going to die (no questions asked)
- Cialis should not be taken if you drink substantial amounts of alcohol (which is probably why you are taking Cialis in the first place, you yutz!)
- Crunchy Nut cereal is fun and tasty so you should buy it! (FYI, according to the NY Times, this new cereal is 35.5% sugars by weight, compared to Chips Ahoy cookies, which are 31.3% sugars by weight...)
- There are animals out there wearing FAKE EARS pretending to be the Easter Bunny (I am not sure why)
- Kettleball is just a stupid ball with a handle (in case you wondered about dropping that $100 fee for the class at the Y that does not include a kettleball)
Daytime TV sucks.
So I turn off the tube and doze, cough, snort, hork, and then make another cup of tea, just for fun. That's when I get to read another Salada teabag saying. "Edison thought a watt about electricity." HA HA HA!
Where's the clicker????????????
I'm doing better. I think my delicate sense of humor is returning. Wonder Woman asked me yesterday how I did my first day back in the water. I told her that unlike being in the fitness center, if you have to spit in the pool no one will know.
I missed you guys. It's nice to be getting back on my feet again.
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