New Moves

There's nothing quite so special as learning a few New Moves. The next day something hurts and you're like Jesus that hurts! What did I do??? OH YEAH. I've got a NEW MOVE!!!

Now new moves are important for many reasons. Here are just a few:

1. They reinvigorate the workout because, by February, having been Inside working out for several months now, you are intensely bored and need to shakeup your routine or you will turn into one of those [men] who always do the Same Thing All The Time because they are really good at it (think "dips") and they think they look really hot doing it, it all the time.
2. There are muscles that have been part of your body all your life that you never knew existed that deserve to be found, including several that seem to be located in places that impact the way you walk, eat and breathe, which are essential, we know that, but you discover that you have probably been walking, eating and breathing with poor form all along because you haven't engaged All Necessary Parts in the process of living.
3. Your brain, if I understand correctly, is, in fact, part of your body (or is your body just an extension of your brain?), and also needs to be engaged, which is part of learning a New Move, for at least 10 minutes of every 120 minute workout just to be sure it is getting enough oxygen so you can engage in effective gossip sessions in the locker room before going to work and actually using it to do something called "work".

I hit the mats this morning and a small person, a child, maybe 10 years old or so, who, of course, probably thought I was 100, started copying my workout. So I gave her a few tips. She was very cute. I'm pretty sure she will Not Hurt Tomorrow, because she is Young, but then again, she could no way put her ass over her head, which I can (ha!) so she may in fact discover important anatomical features, like her butt, which may enlarge and become soft as the years progress unless she embraces exercise as part of a lifestyle that can include, among other things, Doritos, which I think are really very yummy.

Shovelling does not count as a New Move, FYI.