Sharing

At 5:15 a.m. on Friday all the swim lanes were occupied by just one person. I arrive. Someone was going to get lucky and get ME in the lane with them. Who will I pick on???

I scan the offerings. There is always my pick of fat boys but they make waves and take up alot of space. A few little women, like me, but nicer, might make room, but they are just a little too intense and competetive and, let's face it, younger and stronger than I am, so I pass on those choices because I don't want to feel old. Stefanaki is okay but he does the butterfly, which means swallowing water. So I pick on T.B.B. Again. Sorry, sweetheart. I guess that's what you get for being such a nice lady. I'll make a point of picking on someone else next time, I promise.

Davey Boy has always been a good lane splitter. He keeps to his side, butterflies when it won't drown the other swimmer, doesn't race, and staggers off the wall so we aren't swimming side by side. I like to get in with him when his wife, Evil Lifeguard, is in the highchair. Maybe she'll squirm. Hey, I am half naked, FYI.

Awhile later I get the lane to myself. Sweet cheeses - so nice to spread out and go into the zone (a.k.a. La La Land). I can kick, snort, speed, smooth out and do my thing without worrying about kicking, smacking, punching, or spitting on anyone (or having the same done to me). Out of the corner of my eye I spy someone entering the pool deck. Who are they going to pick on??? I try to feign ignorance of their arrival.....

Some will sit quietly on the benches and observe. They wait and decide who to pick on. Others ponder, stroll abit, stalk a lane, then try to get the swimmer's attention and ask, as sweetly as they know how at 5:45 in the morning, if the person minds sharing a lane. I TRY to be nice, most of the time, but I hate that it's always the small women that get picked on first (especially if I'm in Lane One - very popular with Beginners). Others just get in and start swimming without any effort at being nice, or safe. Like Fat Blowfish Lady. I can raise alot of water when I kick, trust me on this.

And then there are those folks that I really like, that I'm always happy to share a lane with, and I remember that conversely I never like to wait, and that I really SHOULD be nice, knowing how it feels to be the one that wants in. Lover Boy is a good lane splitter. So is K-Too. And Peanut, wherever she is. And Poobah. Hey, Poobah - I miss you. Are you all better??? It will be nice to have you back in the pool. But there's always others that I will try to discourage. Like the Spitter. And JOJ. And LCD. And Miss Middle of the Lane. And Creepy Old Guy. Elbows out: Sharing ain't nearly as sweet as having a lane all to yourself.