Signs We Don't See

Everything is okay for now. No matter what - strained muscles, marriages, or budgets - no worries! Take it from me: things won't get worse and could, in fact, get much, much better!!! I know this for certain because the "NO TURNAROUND" sign at the corner where we turn into the gym is now down.

Since the NO TURNAROUND sign is down, knowing there's hope, I'm sure I will start looking younger tomorrow when this new $54 bottle of anti-aging lotion is sure to kick in. My neck will also look youthful again. I now know that a sure sign of aging is the crepey neck, something I was blissfully unaware of until I read the last book group selection "I Feel Bad About My Neck". But I won't go as far as Botox Bitch.

I think Botox Bitch is new around here, and she has also apparently taken advantage of the sign being down. Her face doesn't move, and neither does she if you want to get in the lane with her. She also talks on the phone in the locker room, which, if you see the sign, is NOT ALLOWED. So I am shunning her and hope she goes away soon.

I think we need another sign by the hot tub: PLEASE DO NOT DISCUSS POLITICS, SPORTS, or PERSONAL INJURIES. "I don't give a shit" and "you talk too much" are not the perfect comeback when someone starts on any of these topics, but early in the morning I may have forgotten to turn on my brain, so please forgive me if I stare at you instead of responding. Particularly if you launch into What Hurts. Plus, the sign is down (haven't you noticed?) - so there's nothing to be concerned about. At least for now.

So it's okay that my Bicep Femoris has been aching for weeks, that things at home could be better, that Chicago might win the Stanley Cup, and that the NYS budget still hasn't passed. Things can only improve!!! Until the NO TURNAROUND sign goes back up we'll all be fine. Trust me. The orange cones are just a warning.