Almost every day we drive down Winding Brook Drive to the Y. There's a sign on the left that's been there for at least a decade. TEST: How many acres are for sale?
1. 75
2. 25
3. 52
4. 57
I'm not going to tell you you should know the answer because by now.
If you aren't sure then wake up. There are days when we must ask ourselves: Do I remember even driving to the Y??? (NOTE: this question is not a test question - it's merely to energize your critical analysis of the Early Morning Workout)
I did my two miles in the pool this morning and I noticed something. Which of the following is correct:
1. The water was too warm, again
2. There are new backstroke flags
3. The homemade swimteam banners have been removed
4. S.L.B. was wearing a new bathing suit
5. All of the above
I you answered #2, try again. I'm still not showing you my cards....
OK I am still having fun goading you all. Puzzles are supposed to be good for old brains. Which of the following signs did you encounter on your visit to the Y this week?
1. America on the Move is doing stuff
2. There are weekend pool closures scheduled for the fall
3. You can sign up for the Zumbathon (whatever the hell that is)
4. Toilet #2 in the ladies isn't working
5. There's a new class on Monday's that involves "intervals"
If you answered #4 you're WRONG. That was last week. Funny the way time plays havoc with our small brains.
Please help me defeat the myth that athletes are brain dead little slugs only interested in such complex issues as the positive side of Muscle Milk. TEST: What is
"Muscle Milk"?
1. A milk made out of muscles
2. Something sweet and tasty that is expensive, so it must be good for you
3. An important part of a balanced breakfast
4. None of the above
ANSWER: #2. I like Strawberry.
xxx
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
The Other Y
I was in a different Y pool on Monday, Wednesday and Sunday this past week because ours was closed for annual maintenance. I had to be "nice" because I didn't know anyone. I was an INTERLOPER.
So on Monday this woman gets into the lane with me and she's wearing - no fooling - the exact same bubblegum pink trimmed swimsuit, matching pink strapped goggles, a white swim cap, blue flip flops AND she selected a matching blue kickboard (instead of red or green) from which to kick, just like me, then got in the lane with me. Because I felt the need to be "friendly" I said "Nice suit". She looked over my left shoulder and said "Uh, thanks", then proceeded to ignore me. I pointed out "We're wearing the same suit!", so she looked at her chest and said "Oh, yeah" (end conversation here). She made me feel like a middle aged needy idiot, AND she was way faster than me (although most people are). I should have pointed out that the suit and goggles we had obviously BOTH purchased from SwimOutlet.com were pretty loud and that this is what we get for shopping online, but since I looked better in it than she did I just bit my smile and accepted that I'm a middle aged idiot and she needed to lose 30 pounds, so we're even.
On Wednesday I got to swim with Mark Spitz. No fooling. He had a mustache and smelled like Aqua Velvet (and made the water TASTE like Aqua Velvet) and he looked good and swam great and knew it, and just hated that I'd gotten in his lane with him. Like I care. Kick hard make splashes. Anyway, I moved in with him because three of the most beautiful youts ever came in wanting to swim together and because I was an INTERLOPER I kindly gave up my lane so I could share with Mark Spitz. Now it may seem like I was actually being nice, but I figured they took up less pool space if they were willing to swim circles, so it's really all about me. AND I got to piss off Mark Spitz, so it was fun, too, to be nice.
Monkey Man and Teenie Weenie were the only G. Y members that I saw at the E.G. Y this week. THANKS EVERYONE, for leaving me to my own devices. But I did my best to behave, FYI.
The carpets there need to be cleaned. The showers don't drain. But I have to say all the staff are nice at the E.G. Y and the lifeguards actually seem to WANT to open all the pool lanes and space out in their chairs. Nice to have an option to swim elsewhere during "maintenance". Let's see what the G. Y pool looks like on Tuesday when it reopens. Hopefully cleaner but my guess is probably otherwise no different.
It will be great to see the gang again. Being an INTERLOPER reminds me about "good manners". If I'm rude at least I can trust you guys to tell me off. That's what good friends are for.
So on Monday this woman gets into the lane with me and she's wearing - no fooling - the exact same bubblegum pink trimmed swimsuit, matching pink strapped goggles, a white swim cap, blue flip flops AND she selected a matching blue kickboard (instead of red or green) from which to kick, just like me, then got in the lane with me. Because I felt the need to be "friendly" I said "Nice suit". She looked over my left shoulder and said "Uh, thanks", then proceeded to ignore me. I pointed out "We're wearing the same suit!", so she looked at her chest and said "Oh, yeah" (end conversation here). She made me feel like a middle aged needy idiot, AND she was way faster than me (although most people are). I should have pointed out that the suit and goggles we had obviously BOTH purchased from SwimOutlet.com were pretty loud and that this is what we get for shopping online, but since I looked better in it than she did I just bit my smile and accepted that I'm a middle aged idiot and she needed to lose 30 pounds, so we're even.
On Wednesday I got to swim with Mark Spitz. No fooling. He had a mustache and smelled like Aqua Velvet (and made the water TASTE like Aqua Velvet) and he looked good and swam great and knew it, and just hated that I'd gotten in his lane with him. Like I care. Kick hard make splashes. Anyway, I moved in with him because three of the most beautiful youts ever came in wanting to swim together and because I was an INTERLOPER I kindly gave up my lane so I could share with Mark Spitz. Now it may seem like I was actually being nice, but I figured they took up less pool space if they were willing to swim circles, so it's really all about me. AND I got to piss off Mark Spitz, so it was fun, too, to be nice.
Monkey Man and Teenie Weenie were the only G. Y members that I saw at the E.G. Y this week. THANKS EVERYONE, for leaving me to my own devices. But I did my best to behave, FYI.
The carpets there need to be cleaned. The showers don't drain. But I have to say all the staff are nice at the E.G. Y and the lifeguards actually seem to WANT to open all the pool lanes and space out in their chairs. Nice to have an option to swim elsewhere during "maintenance". Let's see what the G. Y pool looks like on Tuesday when it reopens. Hopefully cleaner but my guess is probably otherwise no different.
It will be great to see the gang again. Being an INTERLOPER reminds me about "good manners". If I'm rude at least I can trust you guys to tell me off. That's what good friends are for.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
The Only Fool in Sight
OK this is a test. If there is a hurricane approaching your area you should:
1. Buy eggs, bread, milk, OJ and plan to make french toast.
2. Buy some batteries that actually fit your transistor radio and flashlight, if you can find them.
3. Do your laundry, vacuum, and cook all your meat in case you lose power (unless you are looking for another excuse not to cook and clean).
4. Give yourself a pedicure.
5. Stock up on essentials like white wine.
6. All of the above.
Correct! The answer is 6 - All of the above!
Irene arrived last night but I still made it to the Y when it opened this morning - hydroplaning and speeding around the downed tree on Winding Brook Road - through the wind and driving rain - sure I wasn't going to get there in time to claim a spin bike. SURPRISE. On the drive over I was the only fool in sight, save for a few emergency vehicles. There were only three cars when I arrived in the parking lot at 6:59. Duh.
I got my hour on the bike with Tony but a half hour later the power started flickering in and out so they kicked everyone (count: 7) out and closed the building down. All I wanted to do was mat work and I didn't want to go home where we had (and still have) power, and I still haven't done any cleaning. But when I left I wished the newbie at the front desk a good day. That may sound nice but it was dripping with sarcasm, trust me. I drove through 3 intersections with no traffic lights but I didn't slow down. I'm sure you figured that already.
So I'm stuck at home, I think, for the rest of the day, even though they've reopened the road (finally). Thank goodness for Chardonnay.
I played Angry Birds and Solitaire on my new phone, updated my shuffle and had a shower, ate and played stringy dingy with the cat and watched TWC and now I'm blogging the damn Y. Thunder is rumbling, it's still pouring rain and windy. If I'm lucky there's still a chance I won't have to run the dishwasher.
1. Buy eggs, bread, milk, OJ and plan to make french toast.
2. Buy some batteries that actually fit your transistor radio and flashlight, if you can find them.
3. Do your laundry, vacuum, and cook all your meat in case you lose power (unless you are looking for another excuse not to cook and clean).
4. Give yourself a pedicure.
5. Stock up on essentials like white wine.
6. All of the above.
Correct! The answer is 6 - All of the above!
Irene arrived last night but I still made it to the Y when it opened this morning - hydroplaning and speeding around the downed tree on Winding Brook Road - through the wind and driving rain - sure I wasn't going to get there in time to claim a spin bike. SURPRISE. On the drive over I was the only fool in sight, save for a few emergency vehicles. There were only three cars when I arrived in the parking lot at 6:59. Duh.
I got my hour on the bike with Tony but a half hour later the power started flickering in and out so they kicked everyone (count: 7) out and closed the building down. All I wanted to do was mat work and I didn't want to go home where we had (and still have) power, and I still haven't done any cleaning. But when I left I wished the newbie at the front desk a good day. That may sound nice but it was dripping with sarcasm, trust me. I drove through 3 intersections with no traffic lights but I didn't slow down. I'm sure you figured that already.
So I'm stuck at home, I think, for the rest of the day, even though they've reopened the road (finally). Thank goodness for Chardonnay.
I played Angry Birds and Solitaire on my new phone, updated my shuffle and had a shower, ate and played stringy dingy with the cat and watched TWC and now I'm blogging the damn Y. Thunder is rumbling, it's still pouring rain and windy. If I'm lucky there's still a chance I won't have to run the dishwasher.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Yak Yak Yak
We share stories of our collective vacations because most of us can't afford to go anywhere unless it's online and on a student budget. After a period of noticeable absence, friends return to their routine at the Y with tans, wounds, an extra 5 pounds, or all of the above. Where have you been? Tell me all about it (in 2 minutes or less please)!
I am VERY protective of my workout time because I haven't yet figured out that my friends are more important than thin thighs. So, you go away someplace COOL like Alaska and you come back just aching for a solid routine at the gym and your time gets eaten up by CONVERSATION. I have no idea why I can't chill. However, last week Peanut and I had a great chat in the parking lot when we should have been rushing off somewhere with many important tasks to perform and just enjoyed a beautiful cool morning break together as "pals". Peanut is wonderful. If I ever grow up I'm going to be just like her.
The weather has been unpredictable and I miss the early morning light. I went running twice last week before the sun came up and it was weird not being able to see my feet, or the road, or sticks and debris, or dead skunks. I like the cooler weather but the shorter days are upon us so it's time to adjust my brain and rethink the workout. I had a great bike ride on Sunday and I admit that starting out at 7:30 instead of 5:00 was kinda nice. However, more cars suck.
The Y has been quieter than usual the past week or so and I'm loving it. The pool and fitness center are pretty empty and I can do my thing without having to worry about others. Please go on vacation or just go away if you can. Good for the soul and great for those of us left behind. And if you've been someplace cool or have traveled please do tell, because after my visit to AK I'm broke so I'd appreciate sharing stories. XXX
I am VERY protective of my workout time because I haven't yet figured out that my friends are more important than thin thighs. So, you go away someplace COOL like Alaska and you come back just aching for a solid routine at the gym and your time gets eaten up by CONVERSATION. I have no idea why I can't chill. However, last week Peanut and I had a great chat in the parking lot when we should have been rushing off somewhere with many important tasks to perform and just enjoyed a beautiful cool morning break together as "pals". Peanut is wonderful. If I ever grow up I'm going to be just like her.
The weather has been unpredictable and I miss the early morning light. I went running twice last week before the sun came up and it was weird not being able to see my feet, or the road, or sticks and debris, or dead skunks. I like the cooler weather but the shorter days are upon us so it's time to adjust my brain and rethink the workout. I had a great bike ride on Sunday and I admit that starting out at 7:30 instead of 5:00 was kinda nice. However, more cars suck.
The Y has been quieter than usual the past week or so and I'm loving it. The pool and fitness center are pretty empty and I can do my thing without having to worry about others. Please go on vacation or just go away if you can. Good for the soul and great for those of us left behind. And if you've been someplace cool or have traveled please do tell, because after my visit to AK I'm broke so I'd appreciate sharing stories. XXX
Friday, August 5, 2011
My Trip to Alaska
I showed up clean in Anchorage, makeupped, tank topped and smelling of deoderant. I returned to NY exactly the opposite. It was good.
Alaska is no candy ass place. A city girl like me has to adjust to the hippie thing, the wet cold windy weather thing, the moose and bear and lynx thing, the mosquitos the size of bats thing and the swarms of biting flies and smell o' repellent thing, the rutted dirt road thing, the hunting and fishing thing, and the breathtaking view thing. I can't say what took the most effort to embrace but I think it was the idea that if I decided to go for a run in the morning I needed to take bear spray with me. As you might have guessed I did not run, but we did do some fantastic backcountry hiking and saw lots of bear shit.
We saw lots of wildlife but no bears. Speaking of wildlife - the hippies all wear mismatched oversized clothes and boots and hats and jackets all the time and have long hair and beards (so do the girls) and don't bathe BECAUSE IT'S PRACTICAL! Oh get off it. That's like saying we wear high heels in the city BECAUSE IT'S PRACTICAL. It's ALL about fashion, even in the bush - trust me. One day it was 70 degrees and the girls still wore their hats. But maybe that's because they all have lice.
I ate huckleberries and watermelon berries in the woods, unwashed, without packaging. I ate freshly picked oysters. I drank good local beers. We biked and hiked and drove about and toured and had a great time. All this despite the runs from the oysters and berries and beer, the fall off my bike and the resulting bad cut on my leg, and having my shoulder bag stolen from the car by bad people who broke the window and damaged the vehicle to get at it (estimated damage: $2400). There was nothing in the bag of real value if you are in Alaska: tweezers (which I quickly replaced), a few ditties including the perfume I had come to rely on to repel smells (mine and others)(also quickly replaced), tissues (which can be VERY useful in the bush, at least for some of us), gum (which can help cover the stink of beer and fish) and a comb (apparently not needed in Alaska). So I guess I got lucky, except for the guilt trip. What idiot city girl leaves a shoulder bag in a car, in plain sight???
I'm home trying to get my brother's dog's hair off everything. The weather is warm. I'm back at the Y where I belong. It is all good.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
THIS WEEK IN THE NEWS: It's hot (in case you didn't notice)
Mum, the first underarm deoderant, was apparently invented in 1888 by an unknown saint from Philadelphia. This gift has allayed the delicate sensibilities of many many generations of gnats, the only living creature out there besides the crazy workout junkies who insist on exercising outside in 100 degree temperatures.
It's been in the high 90s with a "heat index" over 100 degrees since early in the week. A "heat index" is what the temperature "feels like" when you leave the AC and walk out to your car. You should allow it to cool while you fry eggs on the hood, because one tip says not to run your oven as one way to stay cool, unless, of course, you are an idiot like me. Anyway, eat them up quickly because, according to my sources, they will become contaminated quickly from the heat if they are left out for too long.
There are many ways to stay cool during a heat wave. I think there are hundreds of sites out there all offering up the same anti-hot tips over and over and over again, so I'm going to offer up some alternatives which I'm sure you will find helpful.
1. Stay young. Or just stay immature. Old people don't handle the heat as well as the young.
2. Be thin. Fat people also suffer more when the temperatures soar. If you are already overweight don't sweat it. Eat some ice cream to cool down.
3. Stay at work. Work on Saturdays and Sundays as well. BONUS: The AC at work is free.
4. Drink light beer when you are tanning poolside or on the beach. Drink standing up so you know when you are ready to pass out. Please pee in the toilets provided.
5. Don't take salt tablets. I recommend Doritos or Cheez Doodles if you want a snack with the 18 glasses of water you need to rehydrate after running outside anyway.
6. Wear a hat, but one with some style so you don't look like an idiot standing in the sun in the middle of the day.
And, if you are prone to migranes, I recommend avoiding high heels.
I'm off to Alaska tomorrow and hope to pet a polar bear tummy. Please stay cool. I'll be thinking of you as I run at 3:00 a.m. when the sun is just coming up.
It's been in the high 90s with a "heat index" over 100 degrees since early in the week. A "heat index" is what the temperature "feels like" when you leave the AC and walk out to your car. You should allow it to cool while you fry eggs on the hood, because one tip says not to run your oven as one way to stay cool, unless, of course, you are an idiot like me. Anyway, eat them up quickly because, according to my sources, they will become contaminated quickly from the heat if they are left out for too long.
There are many ways to stay cool during a heat wave. I think there are hundreds of sites out there all offering up the same anti-hot tips over and over and over again, so I'm going to offer up some alternatives which I'm sure you will find helpful.
1. Stay young. Or just stay immature. Old people don't handle the heat as well as the young.
2. Be thin. Fat people also suffer more when the temperatures soar. If you are already overweight don't sweat it. Eat some ice cream to cool down.
3. Stay at work. Work on Saturdays and Sundays as well. BONUS: The AC at work is free.
4. Drink light beer when you are tanning poolside or on the beach. Drink standing up so you know when you are ready to pass out. Please pee in the toilets provided.
5. Don't take salt tablets. I recommend Doritos or Cheez Doodles if you want a snack with the 18 glasses of water you need to rehydrate after running outside anyway.
6. Wear a hat, but one with some style so you don't look like an idiot standing in the sun in the middle of the day.
And, if you are prone to migranes, I recommend avoiding high heels.
I'm off to Alaska tomorrow and hope to pet a polar bear tummy. Please stay cool. I'll be thinking of you as I run at 3:00 a.m. when the sun is just coming up.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Faded Signs
I turned 50 last week and I've suddenly become very aware of faded signs. I can give in or fight back. It might surprise you but I think I'll get feisty instead of cool.
OK there are THREE, count them, THREE handmade "team" signs bedecking the pool deck. I assume these are meant to boost spirits and connections among our valued youth, but they are OLD and faded, with names like Reynalyn and Lytistra, which to me sound like good prescriptions. Anyway, the Y has taken to writing over the signatory names because they have faded, with the effect that now they look even more dismal. SO - I'm going to bring in my markers and we are all going to sign our Pool Names to the signs! "S.L.B." "Peanut" "Lover Boy" "Wonder Woman" "Back Float Bob" "SugaCube" "Sharin'" "Puppy Sweet Cheeks" "Strawberry" "Spinney", etc.. I'm sure that once we've attacked they will HAVE to take the dusty things down.
Did anyone notice that for years and years the valued youth swim records on the big chart at the end of the pool never changed? That's because time stood still until I was approaching my 50th. Suddently they changed and I think life is accelerating, so please take some relax time to appreciate what we have. NOTE: There's a tie for first place in one category and the winners are: Fish, Rho.
Speaking of fish, what's with the inflatable fish and the fish-shaped kickboard hanging from the ceiling in the pool? I hope we can assume, like cleaning the hallway carpets every week, that they are cleaning the dusty fish as part of their regularly scheduled maintenance. Maybe that's what I need: a good deep clean and a brain dusting. I had a massage today. Everything did NOT hurt. It was good.
I guess stuff just starts to break down at some point. SugaCube and Peanut sang for me in the pool, with a minor synchronized swim act that was more than just a bit adorable, and I almost broke down and cried it was so sweet. Peanut said I'd crossed the line but I do NOT agree. PEANUT: I am ON the line. I swam an Ironman distance on my 50th just to prove I've still got it. Did it hurt later? I'll never tell....
But yes some things just don't work as well as they used to. We had a lifeguard faint and fall into the pool, and Shuffles slipped and fell and hit his head outside the steam room - he also needed an ambulance (both are fine - can they be fixed? I recommended sticky flip flips and a big glass of water before working/out; Mom - is it okay if I give advice?). Also, shower stall #1 never gets hot and there's no pressure. One of two sinks in the Children's Locker Room does not give forth water. The computer at the front desk wasn't working one morning this week so they just let all these people in without positive government issued ID. Sometimes I just don't feel comfy and safe and then I think "BE YOUNG", stop worry-warting and complaining and being your age! I did a 25 mile bike ride this morning with no helmet. It was SO ROCKIN.
So I will continue to push what I do, but I will also drink my strawberry flavored muscle milk, walk slowly across the pool deck, and adjust my rearview. Just to be on the safe side.
OK there are THREE, count them, THREE handmade "team" signs bedecking the pool deck. I assume these are meant to boost spirits and connections among our valued youth, but they are OLD and faded, with names like Reynalyn and Lytistra, which to me sound like good prescriptions. Anyway, the Y has taken to writing over the signatory names because they have faded, with the effect that now they look even more dismal. SO - I'm going to bring in my markers and we are all going to sign our Pool Names to the signs! "S.L.B." "Peanut" "Lover Boy" "Wonder Woman" "Back Float Bob" "SugaCube" "Sharin'" "Puppy Sweet Cheeks" "Strawberry" "Spinney", etc.. I'm sure that once we've attacked they will HAVE to take the dusty things down.
Did anyone notice that for years and years the valued youth swim records on the big chart at the end of the pool never changed? That's because time stood still until I was approaching my 50th. Suddently they changed and I think life is accelerating, so please take some relax time to appreciate what we have. NOTE: There's a tie for first place in one category and the winners are: Fish, Rho.
Speaking of fish, what's with the inflatable fish and the fish-shaped kickboard hanging from the ceiling in the pool? I hope we can assume, like cleaning the hallway carpets every week, that they are cleaning the dusty fish as part of their regularly scheduled maintenance. Maybe that's what I need: a good deep clean and a brain dusting. I had a massage today. Everything did NOT hurt. It was good.
I guess stuff just starts to break down at some point. SugaCube and Peanut sang for me in the pool, with a minor synchronized swim act that was more than just a bit adorable, and I almost broke down and cried it was so sweet. Peanut said I'd crossed the line but I do NOT agree. PEANUT: I am ON the line. I swam an Ironman distance on my 50th just to prove I've still got it. Did it hurt later? I'll never tell....
But yes some things just don't work as well as they used to. We had a lifeguard faint and fall into the pool, and Shuffles slipped and fell and hit his head outside the steam room - he also needed an ambulance (both are fine - can they be fixed? I recommended sticky flip flips and a big glass of water before working/out; Mom - is it okay if I give advice?). Also, shower stall #1 never gets hot and there's no pressure. One of two sinks in the Children's Locker Room does not give forth water. The computer at the front desk wasn't working one morning this week so they just let all these people in without positive government issued ID. Sometimes I just don't feel comfy and safe and then I think "BE YOUNG", stop worry-warting and complaining and being your age! I did a 25 mile bike ride this morning with no helmet. It was SO ROCKIN.
So I will continue to push what I do, but I will also drink my strawberry flavored muscle milk, walk slowly across the pool deck, and adjust my rearview. Just to be on the safe side.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
