Doing Scales

What is it with women who sing in the shower at the gym? Haven't they noticed that they are not at home in the privacy of their own personal auditorium and that they are, in fact, tone deaf? Doing scales in the locker room may sound like a happy thing but it can be VERY annoying.

Man, the Y has been crowded these past two weeks. New members all full of themselves and their resolutions. As a prisoner on a spin bike I've had to listen to instructors tell us that the place is always busy this time of year (yuh think?), to call if you can't make a class (if I'm not there at 5:00 I am probably sound asleep, honey), and to be considerate of others and share equipment (fuck off I was here first). Wonder Woman, being one of our more alert Gym Junkies, reminded me that we have quite a few new members that need pool names. Today we had Pajama Jeans. Jewelry. Hairdo. Makeup. Pajama Jeans. I'm glad she has decided to start working out because she's fat.

Ascending: The Y actually spent money and bought a REAL doctor's office scale for the ladies locker room. The digital model was never stolen because it was a piece of crap. Hence, based on the new equipment, I gained three pounds instantly, and proceeded to descend into a state of mild despair. That same day, our new Thursday spinning instructor tried to make us happy saying that spring was only 67 days away: it's time to get fit for bathing suit season! I wanted to remind her that for those of us that swim, EVERY season is bathing suit season. NOTE: I swam in the outdoor pool in San Diego on January 7. Awesome.

Driving

Lately I've been driving myself to run further, swim more often, go faster, work out longer, and lift a bit more weight. I should be thankful that the holidays made me put on the brakes and idle for a bit.

It is a good thing to take some down time and just relax, right? Stop steering, let the traffic jam lull me into that peaceful Christmas spirit? NOT. Hey, SUV man, you've had 51 weeks to shop and you STILL aren't done buying stuff??? Why are you tailgating me, I'm already driving 60 in a 45 zone? Don't you have turn signals? Ever hear of the rules of the road? Why are you hesitating??? OH I was SO not cruising along nicely. It's easy to hate the holidays. OK OK so maybe I am misfiring a bit but I'm glad that the rush is finally over.

We had a foot of snow on Monday. I feel sorry for whoever it was that drives the cute red convertible who was either stranded at the Y, or dead at the Y, because he didn't get that car out of the parking lot for three days. I hope he had money for the vending machine. I know I never do. NOTE: shoveling by hand burns 408 calories an hour, just less than the 507 I WOULD have burned if I could have made it to the gym that day.

So I put some air in my tires, cleaned out the trunk, and filled up my tank (several times, apparently, according to the flashing digital readout on the scale in the Ladies Locker Room, which, in case you didn't notice, has not been stolen yet). I even made a donation to the coat drive, and was nice to a new member during the New Year's Day membership drive. I didn't drive once even a little bit under the influence, and checked out why my left turn signal has been flashing like crazy lately (the dealer told me I have a bulb out somewhere, which I do not, at least not on my car anyway). It is not fixed yet, so surely the drivers behind me are convinced I'm in a huge hurry to turn, which I usually am.

I got so cold after being driven through an hour on a spinning bike today that my indicator lights were BOTH on when I went upstairs to lift weights - it was very obvious due to my tight fitting tank top. Motor Mouth was there, and still at it later in the hot tub. And what's with the new lifeguard - she's so NICE it's not normal. She's another one that keeps verbalizing about her workout, like I care. Mighty Mouse must have just gotten her driver's license. I know this for sure because she's young, she's new, and she is SO cool because she can drive, so now she doesn't need to be nice to anyone.

I discovered it's hard to text and shift gears and modulate the clutch all at the same time, so I'm doing my best now to make good decisions and pay attention. I haven't made any resolutions, but I promised myself not to start any new BAD habits in 2011, the year that the Pillsbury Dough Boy and I both turn 50. This may be an omen, but I'll keep surging ahead, at least until I hit the next red light.

Running in Place

Did you ever feel like you're crazy busy, trying to do 60 things at once, with all kinds of plans only to find out it's Friday, again, and you aren't any further ahead??? Sort of like doing 5K on a treadmill. Hey, look - I'm right back where I started, except now I'm all sweaty! What have I been doing for the past 35 minutes????

It's almost the end of the year. Time to consider the year's accomplishments and milestones, or lack thereof.

• I have lost no weight, but I haven't gained any either.
• I am almost a year older, but not more mature or wise. I guess if you can't stay young you might as well stay immature.
• I am making more money, although I've managed to spend it (not always wisely).
• I have more grey hair, but so do most of my friends.
• I had to repair my car twice, but at least I wasn't at fault.
• I am more flexible, but I'm not any taller. Nor have I started shrinking. Yet.

These are things to be thankful for. I think. Every time I consider the idea of a New Year's resolution I feel inspired, even though I know damn well I'll fail. Here are a few of my recent personal goals:

• Play with the cats more. Maybe they won't howl in the middle of the night. Didn't. Still left the house really early almost every day, busy when I got home. Bob, however, has gotten much better singing MEOW. Very loud and his projecting is excellent.
• Be more patient. I read things, even books and stuff, and while I might have learned a few hot tips, like Listen More, I still get anxious when I get behind Little Miss Speed Limit.
• Eat only calories that count. I have modified this so it does not including drinking wine.
• Work harder at work. I think as long as others perceive that I am working hard I'm covered. REMINDER: Don't spend too much time on Facebook and Lover Boy's emails.
• Paint the bedrooms. I did one. I think this counts.

So here we are with Christmas only a week away. I may not be spinning my wheels, exactly, not like I did trying to get to the Y last Sunday when the roads iced up overnight, but it's time again to draw up a New S.L.B. Strategic Plan:

• Drink less. Remember those nights you almost died. But hey, what's a couple of beers???
• Read more. This does not include surfing the web.
• Think big, have vision, and don't let the little things bring me down. If only this idiot doing 30 in a 45 zone would try using the pedal on the right.

Let's see in a year or so how well I've managed! I do know one thing: I have great friends at the Y. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Time Off, and love to all. May all your wheels and gears keep spinning, and may you stay on the asphalt and not end up in the ditch.

La La Land

I love it when I can relax during my workout and get into a groove. I call that place La La Land. There is no one there but me. I am the Queen Space Cadet and proud of it!

It is a beautiful place. It can be anything I want it to be. Sometimes I am by the ocean and the sky is blue with puff-puff clouds, or on a long stretch of smooth asphalt that is all downhill with the wind in my hair, or in a dark green glassy sea. All good until I open my eyes and discover that I'm inside, that it's December and it's cold and dark outside, and there are people around that, despite my best efforts, won't go away. The clouds are really TV monitors, the wind is from a fan, and the taste in my mouth is chlorine, not salt, and I just about hit the wall at the end of the lap lane. Totally spaced.

Tinkerbell was in La La Land when I tried to join her in her lane in the pool last week. She spooked when she saw me sitting there waiting to get her attention. I asked if I really looked that bad. If she was OK. Was she SURE she was OK. If I could get in. Was she SURE that was going to be OK. Giggle fits are a great way to get your heart rate up and start your workout.

On Thursday I finally found La La Land on the spinning bike. I closed my eyes and just focused on the workout. Teacher led us on some big hills and I temporarily escaped, my royal little legs pumping like mad. Then, suddenly, I was back in the real world: Teacher wrapped up class by informing us that she won't be doing spinning classes after the end of the month. I was out of breath to start with, then the wind got kicked out of me. NO I wanted to shout! Just because you have a full time job and two kids? What about ME? I staggered off to work on the mats. They never turned into anything cool. Just dirty old mats. I was sad.

No good gossip this week. Poison Ivy is everywhere. I hope I win the basket raffle - the one with the wine in it. Bored already and it's only December. I think it's time to start something. Maybe we can go around and pick our favorite space cadet and ask them if they know where La La Land is.

Tips for Not Overeating

As we all fight to lose a few pounds before the holidays (and before we see the family, thus, hopefully, attenuating their chances of telling us we've put on a few pounds since the last get together), we know the real driving force to those extra long workouts is really to eat more (and drink more) than we usually do without ballooning.

There is an abundance of good advice out there for not overeating. Here are some of my favorites, qualified with some advice of my own (not always good advice, FYI):

• Drink at least two glasses of water before eating. According to an August 23 report from the American Chemical Society, over the course of 12 weeks dieters who drank water before meals, 3 times a day, lost about 5 pounds more than dieters who did not increase their water intake. Alternatively, I suggest that if you happen to eat only one huge meal and drink way too much wine that you should drink at least 6 glasses of water after indulging yourself so you don't get sick from being dehydrated, another serious health risk we ALL want to avoid, right?
• Limit your eating to one plate. I can pile up a dinner plate pretty high. I'm sure you can too. Of course this means you get to eat as many appetizers as possible, as long as you only use a cocktail napkin, toothpick, or fingers. I suggest if you take a bite out of a before dinner treat that you don't like just put the uneaten part back on the tray. You will certainly eat less this way, and so will your friends and family.
• Stick to eating raw veggies before dinner. Let's see, what shall I have? Shrimp cocktail? Bacon wrapped scallops? Camembert? NO - I'll have a carrot stick! Please pass the dip.
• Wear tight fitted clothing. They are tight fitting: that's the problem! I suggest you wear something loose. It will get tighter, trust me, and you'll be able to breathe, which is good.
• Slow down. You have ALL AFTERNOON to eat. So slow down!
• Only eat the foods that you enjoy most and avoid the ones you don't. The catch is: I like it all! This is stupid advice.
• Get active after dinner. Yes, of course! After I clear the table, do the dishes, put the leftovers away, start the stock, finish off the bottle, and finally sit down after cooking and cleaning and bustling all day, that's exactly what I'm going to do with my stuffed body! NOT. Actually, I can't even see my feet. Pass the clicker.

The Y was open from 8 to 12 on Thanksgiving Day but I opted for a walk in the woods instead. It was lovely, except I didn't get signed up for spinning class next week, which sucks. Today, Black Friday, there were all kinds of folks on the road at 5:30 a.m. I couldn't figure out why, at first. I blame the wine. Anyway, despite the mild hangover and dehydration I had a great little workout. Gotta finish those leftovers.

Pat Me Down, Baby!

This week in the news it seems that the most important issue, more than Prince William's engagement (?), is TSA screening. Touch my junk.

Ooooooh that feels funny. Keep going. Nope - nothing under there. Check again. Whoooop! Yes, close but no cigar. HAH! Missed it again! Try between my cheeks again - you might get lucky! Somehow I can't wait until I hit the airports in January. Not that I'll be concealing anything, but for a middle aged, long married woman it could be a bit of a thrill to be fondled by a lady in uniform.

Especially if it's early early in the morning and I haven't really woken up yet. There are charts at the Y that outline "perceived exertion". I think what the early morning crew needs is a chart for "perceived exhaustion". (1-2): "I'm not tired! I slept for a change for a full 8 hours straight through the night and I feel great!. (3-4) I am a bit tired and I only got up once during the night to drink some water and have a pee and fold the clothes in the dryer!. (5-6) Damm alarm I was having a very cool dream and I could have slept in but I don't want to chance missing spinning class next week to so I'll get up and go to the Y but this totally sucks I need a break!. (7-8) I'm exhausted I can't get my contacts in where are my sneakers I hope I get my bike, parking spot and locker I need 3 ibuprofen damn another red light the problem with the world is everyone else!. (9-10) I can't move a muscle not today not ever I need a beer why is this TSA guy zooming me???.

Well, you get the picture. For me the idea of a pat down is a a whole lot more exciting than knowing whether the Archbishop of Canterbury, or Archie Bishop of Canterberry, will be presiding over the UK's royals' wedding. I just hope the broadcast is at a reasonable hour, EST.

Regrouping

When it's obvious that routine has taken over your life, it's time to mess with it and regroup. This will tax your brain.

I have changed lockers to Row #2 to avoid Poison Ivy. I have conversed and exchanged names with several members at the Y that I've known for years but have never gotten to know. I don't remember any of their names but finally I can now find my locker. Nice to make a few new acquaintances.

After a 2 mile swim I have dessert. By this I mean 15 minutes in the hot tub. On Friday there were 10 men rub a dub dub in the tub so I went into the sauna instead. It was lovely - hot, quiet, smelling of cedar, until Backfloat Bob joined me and I had to listen to a long and detailed report on a Midwestern Y he was at last week that had everthing except a bar. Brain cramp.

Five of us went to Lake Placid last weekend and enjoyed great conversation, good food, a nice hike and lovely surroundings. I didn't get a chance to do a blog entry or laundry or plant bulbs or rake leaves or clean bathrooms or do my nails or shop for Christmas or iron clothes or work out but it was SO much fun. Once I figured out how to let it go and relax a bit it was heaven. And the best part about housework is if you don't do it this weekend it will still be there next weekend. As will the leaves in our yard. Go figure. I'm still trying to catch up: my brain says get at it but the rest of me wants Chardonnay and HBO.

My usual is MT: Run/Weights/Matwork. WFSun: Swim. RSat: Spin/Weights/Matwork. Sun: Pilates. Nice to be in control until you wake up one morning and YOU CAN'T WAKE UP so you skip the workout and it is all good, especially the breakfast part. Change is good, but what's scary is I'm so wrapped up in the routine that I actually have a hard time remembering the day of the week if I switch off. THEN they change the morning desk people and the Thursday lady is there on Tuesday! Stitch and Poobah are back at the gym after several weeks off and I know they are are happy to be back. It sucks to have to take time off from the Y because things hurt or you aren't feeling well. Choice is better than change, that's for sure.

I still have the same parking spot and it's nice to be next to Peanut but I might switch off just to see if I can find my car when I finish working out.

Time to regroup. A good friend died last week and I'm having a hard time with it because now I need to find someone else to bounce things off of. I'm glad I have my friends at the Y. I really appreciate your love and support. NOTE: I'm trolling for a go-to person. Be warned. xxx