If there is anything that may, just may, make me keep my big mouth shut, it's the risk of eating bugs.
Not the deep fried crunchy grasshoppers that they feature on Bizarre Foods. Those, I'm sure, are just delicious. No, I mean the small, sticky little clouds of black gnats that swarm in summer just as the sun is rising.
On Tuesday I did the loop from the Y. It smelled beautiful. SugaCube agreed. It was barely dawn, there was a soft breeze, and I was Rambo as I took off into the soft morning light. Little black bugs were also out for their morning workout, many of them not so serious about it so they hitched a ride on me, and in me, instead.
I returned, hot, happy and covered with about 100 gnats. I felt great. I looked like shit. I quickly retreated into the locker room to clean up and cool down before my workout.
OK just for a bit of diversion, when I got back to the Y that morning J.B.F. was just arriving at the desk. Little Sweetums said to her "You look like you just got out of bed," to which J.B.F. said "That'll happen". Her hair was PERFECTLY mussed up and all over the place. I'm betting she'd spent well over an hour doing it up so she would look impeccably dishevelled. Oh pal-eeeeeeeeeeeze! Why the hell didn't she just go out for a run??? Works for me.
Back to my point about the bugs. What flippped me out when I got upstairs were all the folks running on the treadmills. It was 50 degrees and sunny outside! I said as much to The Brown Bear. Apparently I had not learned my lesson about the bugs. Of course I didn't KNOW he had just finished a run on the treadmill (though I pretended I did - why do I do that?). I'm an idiot. I felt like I had just sucked in another gnat.
So I will try to learn from the bugs. Next time I'm about to splurt out an opinion, which is often (in case you didn't notice), I will think about how disgusting it is to eat bugs, and I will attempt to put a lid on it for at least 10 seconds, which is about when the next stupid comment comes to mind.
It's another day at the Y and it gets pretty boring after a while. If you think I'm working out, focused and all that shit, please note what I'm REALLY doing is watching everyone around me and having fun in my head at their expense.
The best part is sharing it with you guys.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Forecast
The forecast this week was rain, followed by heavy rain, with a chance of rain in the evening, perhaps thunderstorms overnight and the possibility of showers in the a.m.
The plants better freakin' appreciate it.
In case you didn't know, the end of the world was yesterday. It is apparent, since I'm sitting at my PC, that I was one of the ones left behind, along with everyone I know, to suffer until October, when, I assume, the rain will finally stop and we will all die from being moldy, or from zombie attacks (I'm not kidding! There is official information about what to do if that happens from the Center for Disease Control at http://emergency.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies_blog.asp - this is VERY useful!).
So between the weather forecast and the coming apocalypse I've been drinking more, but I have also spent more time at the Y than usual. Me and everyone else who is tired of or avoiding getting soaked in the rain; it's been rather busier than it should be at this time of year, excepting the triathalon wanna be's. I read this week that the average minutes more exercise per week that a heavy drinker gets than a non-drinker is 21. I'd say that's exactly correct! It's going to be an expensive next five months until we all die.
But hey, once you're in a routine (exercise, work, go home and drink, pass out, get up, exercise, work, go home and drink, etc.) it's hard to shake, even though I know I should be planning for being permanently, rather than temporarily, oblivious.
So on Thursday morning the weather looked promising to run outside: 60 degrees, no wind, birdies singing. It didn't look like rain (albeit it WAS 4:30 a.m. and I couldn't see a thing, and I didn't spot any zombies either). So I'm all set to go (with my outdoor sneakers on and matching shirt and socks and bra and hairtie) and half way to the Y the skies opened up and it was POURING. There I was back on the dreadmill, heart attack alarms going off the entire time.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
On Friday I decided to brave the predictions and go for a run after work (when, I know now, I should have already been home drinking). Do you remember Friday at 5:00????? It was nice in the afternoon. There was a big yellow thing in the sky for a short while - I didn't know what it was but it sure was warm and pretty. It was there when I started, and then there was some light rain that felt really sweet, but then the sky got darker and darker, and I thought "I should turn back but hey I'm already wet since now it's really raining" so I kept on going. I guess I couldn't hear the boomers because my music was turned up to 11 oops was that? Yes! uh oh - lightening. I GOT DRENCHED. But it was kind of fun and crazy at the same time. Why wait 'til October?
They are promising us new dreadmills in September, ones that have programs and videos and stuff to vary your workout (which, for a dreadmill, shouldn't be hard to design). I wonder if the choices will include "running in the rain", or "running from zombies,"? I hope they have sound effects, and that by then I have a plan for whatever comes next.
The plants better freakin' appreciate it.
In case you didn't know, the end of the world was yesterday. It is apparent, since I'm sitting at my PC, that I was one of the ones left behind, along with everyone I know, to suffer until October, when, I assume, the rain will finally stop and we will all die from being moldy, or from zombie attacks (I'm not kidding! There is official information about what to do if that happens from the Center for Disease Control at http://emergency.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies_blog.asp - this is VERY useful!).
So between the weather forecast and the coming apocalypse I've been drinking more, but I have also spent more time at the Y than usual. Me and everyone else who is tired of or avoiding getting soaked in the rain; it's been rather busier than it should be at this time of year, excepting the triathalon wanna be's. I read this week that the average minutes more exercise per week that a heavy drinker gets than a non-drinker is 21. I'd say that's exactly correct! It's going to be an expensive next five months until we all die.
But hey, once you're in a routine (exercise, work, go home and drink, pass out, get up, exercise, work, go home and drink, etc.) it's hard to shake, even though I know I should be planning for being permanently, rather than temporarily, oblivious.
So on Thursday morning the weather looked promising to run outside: 60 degrees, no wind, birdies singing. It didn't look like rain (albeit it WAS 4:30 a.m. and I couldn't see a thing, and I didn't spot any zombies either). So I'm all set to go (with my outdoor sneakers on and matching shirt and socks and bra and hairtie) and half way to the Y the skies opened up and it was POURING. There I was back on the dreadmill, heart attack alarms going off the entire time.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
On Friday I decided to brave the predictions and go for a run after work (when, I know now, I should have already been home drinking). Do you remember Friday at 5:00????? It was nice in the afternoon. There was a big yellow thing in the sky for a short while - I didn't know what it was but it sure was warm and pretty. It was there when I started, and then there was some light rain that felt really sweet, but then the sky got darker and darker, and I thought "I should turn back but hey I'm already wet since now it's really raining" so I kept on going. I guess I couldn't hear the boomers because my music was turned up to 11 oops was that? Yes! uh oh - lightening. I GOT DRENCHED. But it was kind of fun and crazy at the same time. Why wait 'til October?
They are promising us new dreadmills in September, ones that have programs and videos and stuff to vary your workout (which, for a dreadmill, shouldn't be hard to design). I wonder if the choices will include "running in the rain", or "running from zombies,"? I hope they have sound effects, and that by then I have a plan for whatever comes next.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
The Grim Reaper
BEWARE! TAKE HEED! Confess your faults! Do someone a good turn! The Grim Reaper was in the Fitness Center on Friday. I warned Mr. J. It was very weird and I wondered who the Reap was there for. I guess it wasn't me because I'm still here to blog about it.
No one I know seems to be missing. Maybe he was just working out.
If you see him - please give him lots of room. The most telling feature is his black sweat pants and black sweatshirt with the hood pulled up over his head to hide the fact that he is a ghoul. The glasses hide empty eye sockets. I didn't see his scythe, but I assume he kept that safe in a locker.
When Phat Stuff tried pushing me to rally my friends to walk for hospice care next month it was everything I could do to not shiver. Did she know about the Grim Reaper too? I told Little Bug that Phat obviously had me confused with someone who actually gives a shit, but I confess now I'm feeling just a bit nervous .
I admit I have more than my fair share of faults, and I'm sure you all could assign me a few more I should really know about. I don't think it's true that you know yourself better than anyone else does. I admit I DO need to work on my bad 'tude. Today, during my workout, to keep what few friends I have, and to keep the Reap at bay, I did my best to not get pissed at the fact that it's pouring rain and my Sunday plans are spoiled and I don't have an excuse not to clean my house but I'm figuring my time is almost up so what's the point isn't there something FUN to do instead? (which there ALWAYS is!)
Real friends will tell you what your problems are. Best friends will listen to your problems. Y friends are good for pointing out other people's problems. Did Boob Job also get hair extensions? Why does J.B.F. follow her around like a lost puppy?? Did Shiny Man once wear a toupee???
Say what you will, just watch out for the guy in black.
No one I know seems to be missing. Maybe he was just working out.
If you see him - please give him lots of room. The most telling feature is his black sweat pants and black sweatshirt with the hood pulled up over his head to hide the fact that he is a ghoul. The glasses hide empty eye sockets. I didn't see his scythe, but I assume he kept that safe in a locker.
When Phat Stuff tried pushing me to rally my friends to walk for hospice care next month it was everything I could do to not shiver. Did she know about the Grim Reaper too? I told Little Bug that Phat obviously had me confused with someone who actually gives a shit, but I confess now I'm feeling just a bit nervous .
I admit I have more than my fair share of faults, and I'm sure you all could assign me a few more I should really know about. I don't think it's true that you know yourself better than anyone else does. I admit I DO need to work on my bad 'tude. Today, during my workout, to keep what few friends I have, and to keep the Reap at bay, I did my best to not get pissed at the fact that it's pouring rain and my Sunday plans are spoiled and I don't have an excuse not to clean my house but I'm figuring my time is almost up so what's the point isn't there something FUN to do instead? (which there ALWAYS is!)
Real friends will tell you what your problems are. Best friends will listen to your problems. Y friends are good for pointing out other people's problems. Did Boob Job also get hair extensions? Why does J.B.F. follow her around like a lost puppy?? Did Shiny Man once wear a toupee???
Say what you will, just watch out for the guy in black.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Running Outside
Running outside on a cold spring morning before the sun rises rocks. You hot flash and get superchilled at the same time so everything evens out. No one can see you struggling, or your wrinkles, so you can believe for 45 minutes that you are totally jacked.
Cookie and I have had two early morning "running" dates recently (on the first I was still recovering from bronchitis, hence the quotation marks). I'm pretty sure on both occasions she got a kink in her neck looking over her shoulder back at me, but I'm getting stronger. Going with a friend who is in way better condition than I'll ever be is both a challenge and an inspriation. I appreciate her putting up with me. I appreciate that ANYONE puts up with me.
There is something to knowing others are watching you. My form and pace improve if I know a car, or other runners, or a turtle are passing me. I do the same thing at work. I walk up to the third floor and if there are people in the conference room at the top of the landing I run up the last few steps like "hey no problem". This is called "training" - pushing yourself at the end of the race. Actually, I know for certain this is really just showing off.
Running outside before dawn is also a better/harder workout than running on the treadmill because you have to deal with things like hills and drainage grates and road debris and traffic and breathing in bugs and frozen snot and rain and wind and the fact that it's still dark out so you can't see a fucking thing. Who ever said exercise was boring???
I like to run on the Mohawk Trail. For a couple of years now I would start at the parking lot by the old train station and plod down to the Evil Hill by GE and back again. When I die I had planned to donate funds for a water fountain at the foot of the Evil Hill, halfway through the run, because I was dying for a drink of water at this point and, unlike a treadmill, I did not have a water bottle conveniently at hand. Ah, but I am SO brilliant (and hence now with more money to spend while I'm still alive). One day last summer the train station parking lot was full - some kind of stupid event - so I parked instead at Lock 7, about a quarter of the way down the run. I ran to the base of the Evil Hill. I headed back towards the train station and HEY I'M NOW AT THE HALF WAY POINT AND MY CAR IS THERE I CAN HAVE A DRINK OF WATER AND CONTINUE ON. An ephiphany for sure. Where is my brain when I need it?
Running outside has the added benefits of fresh air, baby cows at the Crossings in Colonie, deer eating tulips in your neighbors yard, beautiful spring colors, and the freedom to fart and spit without disturbing the fat man on the next treadmill.
I love spring, don't you???
Cookie and I have had two early morning "running" dates recently (on the first I was still recovering from bronchitis, hence the quotation marks). I'm pretty sure on both occasions she got a kink in her neck looking over her shoulder back at me, but I'm getting stronger. Going with a friend who is in way better condition than I'll ever be is both a challenge and an inspriation. I appreciate her putting up with me. I appreciate that ANYONE puts up with me.
There is something to knowing others are watching you. My form and pace improve if I know a car, or other runners, or a turtle are passing me. I do the same thing at work. I walk up to the third floor and if there are people in the conference room at the top of the landing I run up the last few steps like "hey no problem". This is called "training" - pushing yourself at the end of the race. Actually, I know for certain this is really just showing off.
Running outside before dawn is also a better/harder workout than running on the treadmill because you have to deal with things like hills and drainage grates and road debris and traffic and breathing in bugs and frozen snot and rain and wind and the fact that it's still dark out so you can't see a fucking thing. Who ever said exercise was boring???
I like to run on the Mohawk Trail. For a couple of years now I would start at the parking lot by the old train station and plod down to the Evil Hill by GE and back again. When I die I had planned to donate funds for a water fountain at the foot of the Evil Hill, halfway through the run, because I was dying for a drink of water at this point and, unlike a treadmill, I did not have a water bottle conveniently at hand. Ah, but I am SO brilliant (and hence now with more money to spend while I'm still alive). One day last summer the train station parking lot was full - some kind of stupid event - so I parked instead at Lock 7, about a quarter of the way down the run. I ran to the base of the Evil Hill. I headed back towards the train station and HEY I'M NOW AT THE HALF WAY POINT AND MY CAR IS THERE I CAN HAVE A DRINK OF WATER AND CONTINUE ON. An ephiphany for sure. Where is my brain when I need it?
Running outside has the added benefits of fresh air, baby cows at the Crossings in Colonie, deer eating tulips in your neighbors yard, beautiful spring colors, and the freedom to fart and spit without disturbing the fat man on the next treadmill.
I love spring, don't you???
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